Are Your Old Beliefs Impacting Your Current Experience? | Exploring Belief Systems | SisterGirl Session 7

In this session, Niecee & Voni discuss beliefs and share their thoughts on how  beliefs are formed and how they shape our life experiences, upbringing, and environment. From discussions about childhood influences and personal development to handling conflicts and family dynamics, we dive into our own personal beliefs.

 We share personal stories, reflections on addiction recovery, and practical advice on staying true to oneself and evolving. Watch and subscribe for a blend of wisdom, humor, and heartfelt sisterly interaction that encourages growth and self-awareness.

00:00 Welcome to SisterGirl Sessions

00:44 Diving into Beliefs

04:30 Childhood Memories and Beliefs

10:47 Financial Mindsets and Beliefs

15:41 Cultural and Societal Influences

30:34 Food, Health, and Beliefs

38:22 Exploring Breath Work and Personal Growth

39:09 Struggles with Alcoholism

41:12 Developing New Beliefs

47:49 Handling Conflict and Family Dynamics

58:58 Teaching Love and Resolving Conflict

01:02:31 Final Reflections and Legacy

Transcript

sistergirl-sessions-7_1_02-16-2025_133040: 0:00

Hello and welcome to the SisterGirl Sessions. My name is Niecee and I'm Voni and we have created this show as a space for us to come together, like a women's community for us to share stories, talk about things that are on our mind, discuss different topics of interest. Just whatever we feel that is appropriate in the day and time that we do the recording, to be honest with you, but we appreciate you stopping in if it's your first time visiting us. We appreciate it. Welcome. We hope that you will subscribe and, engage with us and keep coming back because we're on this sister girl journey. That's a very exciting. And so with today's topic, what did I have for today? We were going to be talking about beliefs. Where they come from and how they affect our life's journey and we decided to have this show because Voni and I where we do our real life sister girl We ended up in this deep conversation Yesterday morning is the Saturday morning over coffee type discussion And we were talking about different situations that were occurring in our life And where did it come from? How are we manifesting this in our lives? Why do we have these thought processes? And it evolved into a big ole' discussion. So we was like, let's take it to the show. Let's talk about it. So, we'll dive right into it. And we appreciate you being here. So to get it started, Let's just talk about where, when you talk about beliefs and how they impact our lives, the discussion that we were having yesterday kind of evolved around what were we discussing? It was about how we were showing up in our lives and what the outcomes were and how they impact how we respond to it and how it impacts us. So the discussion kind of came along and I said, Hey, I feel like our relationship to everything in the world and how we show up is related to beliefs and what our core belief is and how we're going to respond at any given moment. Are we going to be offended? Are we going? Let's say, for instance, You hurt my feelings and said some really hurtful things about me. I really wouldn't care if I didn't know you. And it's because I have a belief that you are my sister and that you should treat me a certain way that it will cause me hurt. But not everybody will hold that same thing. because sometimes people can say things to you that are hurtful. And when I hear the word belief, I view it as, Is something taught to you? Yes. Or is something in your experience in life that, and it could be environmental, it could be a different thing, but you've had some experience that has caused you to think differently. Exactly. In a certain way. So even for some people, you say, I don't care what other people think about me. That's what I took away from your last comment. Some people. Some people. Yeah. That was your schmo. Yeah. You were like, I don't care what you think. And everybody don't have that same belief. That's where I was going. Yes. That's exactly where I was going. Now, some people will take that and own it. Like, Oh, so I don't even know this person, but they said this about me. And that is based in something usually that individual has experienced in their life. That they tend to care about what, as you gave an example, either somebody you love or even some stranger said about you. Right. I agree. I agree. It's always about to me. It's about either something we're taught or that we observed and you kind of internalized it and it developed as a belief. It can be anything from church. Religion, culture, culture. Yes. Home environment. I agree. You know, yes, because that's what we were kind of talking about yesterday is that it goes all the way back to your upbringing and scientific studies. about your formative ages are 2-8 and you are evaluating your environment and deciding how you're going to fit into it developing these beliefs which do shift and change over time. But that's where you alot of times, develop your core beliefs and so there's a ripple effect to it because like I told you what we were talking about is my experience with this breath work session that I had, I did a breath work session and look it up if you don't know about it. We won't go into it. We won't go deep into it. But yes, it was called 9D Breathwork. I was so impressed when I went and looked them up and researched it and all that and became an affiliate. So if you want to check out The SisterGirls Hub, of course you know, we're going to have some roots in that too. Okay. Just throw that out there. No pressure, no pressure, but it's there for there for reference. So I was doing this breathwork session, and it was talking about what is hold you back? What are the beliefs that you hold? That kind of keep you from being showing up as your best self, bring it forward and explore it. And so when I had the experience, I brought it forward and it brought to me to a time when I was a little bitty child at our grandparents house, grandma, grandpa, and I was outside at the little berry tree that we used to play at, but we used to eat them and then rinse them off for nothing. We used to eat them off the tree. Now, mama didn't. Now, when we started seeing bugs and stuff. Yeah, we did. We did. We started being like, Oh, no, we got to go rinse these off. But we did eat the blackberry tree. But I ate a few bugs because I did used to eat off of that tree. Yeah, but go ahead. I'm sorry. I didn't get that in there. That was my point. But it took me back so viscerally to this particular point in time. And when I was at this blackberry tree, I was at the berry tree and I was playing and I was eating the berries and I looked at the house and through the window and I saw my mother, my father, mama, daddy, grandma, grandpa, Uncle Harold, Uncle Harley, Aunt Marsha, all of my Aunts and uncles, mother, father, our, our family, they were in there like partying, kicking it, and we don't know the occasion or nothing, but you know your people were there. Okay. Yes. and so when we all there, or was it just you in this vision, in this vision, I didn't have, and usually it'd be a lot of kids. Right. Right. But this vision, it was just me standing there looking. And I remember having a feeling that I felt. Like that is part of where it had an impact on me, on how I approached, entertainment and having fun, fun, having a good time, and how I related to fun in my life. Mm-hmm Of which later on, as I became old enough and became an adult, that's kind of how I took the journey. I learned how to party. This is how you party, this is how you have a good time, is to drink. And have fun and socialize with each other, play cards, play dominoes, dance, talk about some stuff, that is where I learned that from. I think all of us learned that from our parents. Yeah. We, I mean, we sisters. So that's what we did. We observed that, as children, you know, our parents had us at a pretty young age. Mom had me at 18, you at 20. So if you think about that, they were still in their very formative years. Yeah. It got married when they were like 17 and get permission from their parents to be able to even go do that. But they were in their formative years and that's what we observed. That's what we experienced it in their formative years. Like you said, so think about it. If they had us at those ages, they wasn't even 30 yet by the time you even got to eight years old, right? They wasn't even 30. Yes. So, and then you think about what we took from that and you develop a belief. And I will pause and say that a lot of times when you observe your parents doing things like maybe not at a younger age, but as you get a little older and you're developing these beliefs, you might decide that you want to do something different. Yeah. So everybody might not react the same and grow up and use that as the way. Let's talk a little bit about, but why do you make a choice to do something different? Can we dig into that a little bit? Because I know what you're saying. And I know I have certain elements, but again, kind of to my earlier point, you make a conscious decision to say, I'm not going to do what I saw them do, because usually rooted in something that you didn't like. You didn't like, or it was painful. It was painful. Yes. Yeah, you decided you're not going to do it, right? Right. Yeah. So there were certain things that because you remember, I, some people, we all adults here. Yes. People drank before they were 21 or different things. And whatever you were doing, but I was one of those people that I did not, I wasn't a fan of alcohol, cigarettes. Now I drink now. You're the only one of our siblings that don't smoke cigarettes. I hated them. They used to ask me to go by. Asked me to go light em up. I burn em up. They, mama be like, you doing People don't know how to do that today. She said you doing this shit on purpose. You over here trying to burn up my cigarette. Cause they sent us to the stove. We had gas stove. We go there, light it. And I got tired of going back and forth. Cause it wasn't quite lit. Cause she didn't have a lighter or something. But my point is, you right. I held beliefs about certain things about cigarettes, drinking, et cetera, because of certain experiences or feelings that I had based on, observing and being in certain situations that didn't make me feel good. Yes. And then when you think about why were our parents that way, and when we were talking about it yesterday, like I said, that. I feel like, especially in the African American culture, it goes all the way back to slavery. I agree. And so we had to be a certain way. We had to show up a certain way in order to, Survive and fit into society. Right. And, we developed that I like to discuss or even, your thought processes around money. Okay. Okay. Because I, that's one thing that I work on within myself because I grew up in, because we grew up in a poor environment, I've developed somewhat of a scarcity mindset. And even when I've been in positions where I was really thriving and your daughter, Jacque, and I were talking about this yesterday too. Yes. That even when we're at our best, earned really great incomes, you can still find yourself over here. Like, Oh my God, I got to make sure that I can do this. How much am I going to have left? You know, which is not really being in the flow. And I could be, I could thrive in a lot of things where, as I've been on this journey of discovering myself and showing my best self and all that, but the financial part of it, and that lack mentality. It's one of my biggest challenges. I'm determined. I'm going to overcome this one because, no, and I had a breakthrough during that breathwork session and, a lot of the, my core beliefs, that's where I was talking about. It took me back to, my upbringing developed a lot of my beliefs. Okay. And when I, when you think about money, like you flow with it differently, you always have the thought of, I'm always gonna have it and it's gonna show up and it's, I don't know how always, but it shows up in your life in that way it's because I believe it. I do. Yeah, I do. I don't even have the answers always as to what it's going to be, but I do believe because I decided I was going to believe that you've been a master manifester for a long time, maybe, and maybe in that respect, respect. Yeah, but yeah, but it was, I won't tell you that I didn't get it all together. I don't because I don't. But what I'm saying is, is like to your other point where you make decisions about what you don't want to do and don't want to be. That was part of mine. I didn't want to go, I put it this way, like be on subsidized programs. I made a conscious decision. I didn't have to. If you need it, do it. No harm, no foul. I believe those things should be there for people. I promise you, I think that they, we need that. Okay. In society we have to go support our fellow men, but if you don't need it, leave it for people who need it. And I had tried to make, that was one of my things is that because we did grow up in a very poor environment and I did feel sometimes as it related to When I wanted to dress a certain way or have shoes or do good things. I feel like I walk around with holes in my shoes or different things that devastated me. So that's where I decided that it was like, okay, now I ain't going, I'm not going to deal with that. I'm going to do something different. Even if it's driven by me, I got the drive and determination to go. Change how I think about it. Right. And that's what I did. But even when I was doing it, I'm not gonna tell you I didn't get in debt. I'm not gonna tell you I didn't make bad decisions about it. Exactly. But what I was able to see through that, Verniece, even when I was doing some of those things, Cause we didn't really get taught financial literacy. We didn't. We didn't. We were trying to teach our kids a little bit more and do more. We said we had some more sessions with the kids. Yes. But what I did learn and as you know, I'm a reflector, I go back and I think about what I did and how we were navigating. But what I did see a pattern of is that I did overcome it. Yes. There was always a tomorrow and that's what helped influence my belief system. I don't know how it's going to come, but it's going to work out. And that's the part. Cause I can get real caught up in what's the plan? I need to know how I'm going to do this before it happens. Yeah. I mean, just let go. So that's what it is deep and I agree with you on that. and even looking at my life now, I do well for myself, I live in a beautiful home. I have a really blessed life. I don't want for anything need for nothing. Need for nothing for anything. And so where does this thought process I don't know, fit in. It's an unnecessary belief that I'm actively working on letting go. But it taught, but a lot of people, it was talked to us. It was taught, and it can get ingrained, and that's why I wanted to just put it out there because I'm sure there's other people out there that kind of experience the same thing. And you have to know that it has to be brought up. Mm-hmm Confronted. Mm-hmm Not that you can, like, you can let it go, but most of the time you have to. What I feel is that I have to integrate it. Within my system and relax into it and flow with it. So I feel like I've had a breakthrough in that space. I agree. Can we talk a little bit about like you made a just a little slight comment about it coming back from Slavery and how we had to show up or had to behave. Yes, any of that and I think In our country in our society as a whole I think we still carry a lot of those Beliefs And how we, and trauma about how we as African Americans or different national, I won't even label that only to black people. No, there's a lot of different cultures here. You feel like you have to show up a different way. Some of what our parents taught us as we went into corporate America or to behave out when we out in society. It was partially to help us with being safe, safe. Yes. And making sure that we behaved ourselves in a certain way so that we could come home. People talk about how black people have to say that to their children, especially boys. Yeah, that that's something that we have to learn how to behave in society. And so that type stuff, Verniece, when we talk about, what we have had to carry over through hundreds of years in our culture as a black person. It's still here. It's still here and ingrained in us. And I believe some of it even for those who might offend or who may carry some of the, uh, power. I don't know what reference you want to say. It's still here. But if those people who are running society, who are police, whoever, they also carry certain beliefs about what they're doing and how they're doing it and feeling like. That's what they supposed to do. Right. You see what I'm saying? It's all about what we were taught and experienced and end up doing. So it comes for hundreds of years. It does. And it makes it to where, what part of it are you going to focus on? I know. True. What part of it are you going to focus on that? Like you say, are you going to make a decision to transition past that? Because it is still a lot. Going on today and today's climate and we're not going to go into politics or anything, but both, political day to day race, all types of different relations. And it depends on like I make a conscious decision in myself not to be hyper focused on those type of things and to be more focused on my now in my own personal experience. It's like I do. Care about the whole and how it impacts. But I think the best way for me to impact the home is to show up as my best self and the best of myself that I can in my day to day. I agree. I mean, I see that in you. Oh, well, thank you. Yeah, I do. I see it's intentional. It is intentional. And I pay attention to the politics. I'm very, in tuned, I guess you would say not day to day. Cause I, I agree with you. If you let that feed you too much, it becomes obsessive almost. And that becomes a belief. It becomes a belief. you take on what you feed into yourself, right? You know, you've always. kind of coached about like you be intentional about what you watch on tv pay attention to what you listen to yes all of those things are influencing your beliefs yes and but in my community minded philosophy i do listen i'm very particular about who i listen to yes i am very intentional there but I may not act, I don't even advocate, make grand gestures about, people or politics or any of that. but I pay attention. I do. I do. Yes. I'm going to say I'm totally tuned out. No, no, you don't tune out. I don't tune out, but I'm not deeply invested in it. I did at one time, I did at one time and it didn't feel good. So see? You're the opposite. You're like, I ain't doing that again. I'm like, man, I'm not doing that again. Step back. I'm going to step back from that just so I could have a different experience because mine is all about feeling good. And that's a belief system that I've been developing because I had experiences in life where I had a belief that I had to be So strong. Mm-hmm. I had to show up. I had to be certain things to certain people. I ain't, I have that. My, and I did. I had a belief like that. I still do just because you, I still do Verniece. Yes. I don't ever, I have never let that go. I know, I know on our it, I read something, it said, when was the last time I felt free? Jump in. I wanted to ask you that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got out. You were saying how you feel like it just resonated with me when I talk about it. But I haven't, I don't know that I had that experience because I carry these beliefs that I'm the big sister. I'm the mama. I'm the grandma. I'm the wife. I'm all of those. I'm, I'm a leader, manager. Yes. I have this role that I'm supposed to go be, do. And I get resentful about it. Now, don't get me wrong. Cause I get mad about it. And even she knows, cause I get resentful, but she gets to see the different Voni. The rest of the world don't necessarily always see in me. Everybody get an inkling. you intentional on how you show up in the world. I am very intentional on how I show up in the world, but it carries with it some things. So let's dig into this a little bit because it's a belief I carry. Why haven't I let it go? where, that's why I put that down, you knew this. She knew this. She set this up. All right. All right. So I really want to understand when was the last time you felt free. So when I talk about feeling free, I won't even say it has to be an extended amount of time where you had like a period of time in your life where you felt totally free because. And our experience, and we've been kind of on this journey together as sisters, the way our life is, we do hold certain responsibilities, but I'm talking about little micro free. Okay. I like the micro. Micro. Micro. Can we get an example? Because I'm trying to, because I'm sitting here feeling like, I ain't never been free. So mine. That I lean on and go to when I'm feeling distressed to help myself calm down as you remember when I did the Dr. Joe Dispenza walk for the world and we went to Loose Park and we walked and it was times in the meditation, the walking meditation where you stop, you put your hands on your heart, you close your eyes. I remember In that particular moment, I was there, I was at Loose Park, the sun was shining, birds was chirping, the trees was bright. You know I love the spring and summer because nature is all alive and people were walking the track around there, the path, and it was so, it was such a relaxing environment. I remember standing there and it was one of those moments, ooh, I'm getting chills just thinking about it. It was one of those moments where I was standing there and I was. I had my eyes closed and I was just feeling the sun beaming on my ear, the birds chirping, but I was listening to the meditation in my ears, but I was having this moment of the environment that was out around me. And in that moment, I felt free. I remember opening my eyes and I put my hands up to the sky, just taking it in. And so that was like a one moment. In time that was quite an experience by the way, but it was a moment in time where I felt so Free now. I almost had a hard time driving. I had to sit there after the whole experience. Okay. I had to like get myself. Okay. Yes. Like when I went to the float that day, you know, you get those out of body experiences. Experiences almost where you have to pledge yourself back into the world. I gotta come back. I gotta come back because I might hurt somebody out here. I ain't really here, I can't drive right now. I can't drive. Okay. So it was like that. And so even after that, I can't say that I like came home and for weeks on end I felt all free. Mm. But in that moment, because this is a challenge for me to go around and find moments of feeling totally free. I haven't, I cannot, I can't think of it on a rollercoaster. Oh, dance. Yeah. Dance. Have you ever, can you recall a time? Yes. Now that is a time. Yes. Now that is. Okay. Okay. You know, she knows me well enough to know what excites me. Yes. Yes. When I'm dancing. Did you feel free? Yes. and, kind of like you just described, that, that energy, that excitement, your skin. And your brain and your, and you're listening, you're, like you said, you're listening, you're feeling, and you're moving and doing totally present. You're just totally present. And in that, you are not, there's nothing else in the world happening, but that. Yes. I've had this so many times. And you and my oldest daughter, Amber, her and Amber have that in common because what's your describing? Right. Well, I keep getting chills. I love this kind of stuff. When I think about Amber dance and yeah, we told everybody, Oh my God, it's like, she's the only person in the world. I do. I do. You're right. That is one place that I really feel free. You need to find a way to nurture that. I know. You tell me that all the time and I ain't done it yet and I gotta go where your excitement is. Yes. I know and I, and then so bad have funny moments. And then what makes it so bad? Because in social media, and when I see it on tv, it brings out an physical emotion in me. Your spirit's calling. My spirit is saying, it makes me cry. It's not a sad cry. It's not by any means. What's that movie that I cry over?. I don't mean to interrupt you, but No. Was it save the last? No. What? Live your dream. It's not as hard as it may seem where the black lady and the white lady and the black guy It's an old movie Girl, you got me trying to think. You know what I'm talking about when she was, she went to the audition and she had messed up and then she had to start over and she danced with the chair. Somebody tell us what it is. I'm doing nothing. I can't even remember. You know what, it's like, it's not as hard as it may seem. Nope. Okay. But, so I'm sorry to throw you off, but it's like, Feel it. I do. Cause every time I watch that dance, that's what made me think of it. I cry. Okay. Cause I like to dance too. I'm, I can't just say that it's my super passion as you and Amber, but I feel it. It do. So I resonate with you when you say that. Yes, that is. Like you feel it in every area. So she helped me recognize it. All your cells in your body come alive. And that's how I felt that day. Okay, standing there, it was like I was the most alive that I have been and then I wanted to stay there. I think too, and I call it when you're dancing, it carries. If you, once you know how to dance, right, or if you are a natural dancer, if you're a natural dancer, you really know you have a rhythm, you know, you're listening to the music, right? And that's where for me internally. It's like I have shut out the rest of the world. Yes. I know my routine I know what I feel and need to do. you tune. You go within yourself And the rest of the world doesn't even Just execute and it just flows. I know and i've had some of my best performances at talent shows things Just being that and is that where you feel free it is I have to say so were you in emotional distress? Yeah, that's what I need to go do. I need to go go Even go even if you can't dance in that moment go to that feeling. You'll be amazed at how it can help self regulate you, even if you tap into that moment, even the memory on it, because you will physically go back there and it can help shift your state of being when you're in the heart rate, your anger, anything to help you feel that. That's a good call out Niecee. Yes. Good call out. She got me, though, y'all. I had this. Why you had to read that? Because that was my surprise question. She left the paper here, she prepped it, and then you said something to trigger me. I was like, I want to ask her that. Yeah. Because I think a lot of us go through life and we don't feel free. The way in America, especially and it depends on what kind of life you're living. We don't know anything else out of America. I don't know. I mean, I watch other cultures. I've traveled. Yes. But what I don't know or understand is I'll filter through other media. And even some people in America, they may feel free, but I've even seen like I'm watching what's happening in the world and the exposure we have. And, social media, the, internet and things like that. Even the wealthy people are sometimes not feeling free. You think that you've got all the money, money don't answer, but it's not based in money. And I'm sure there are some people that had positioned themselves to where they're living a life of freedom and they're out there. But the typical person that. is moving around day to day in America. I don't think we're moving around in freedom and I hope that we could get to, I believe we will get to a space that things will shift and change so that we can move into a space of nurturing ourselves more. Yes. Self care, self, Awareness. And everybody's looking out, but I feel like all the answers are within when you nurture the inside and let it flow out there. You're so much better. And that brings those moments of freedom. I agree. I agree. I do. So let me ask you this. That was one of the things we kind of talked about. when you say money, it's not all the answer, but it's all about all these beliefs and things like that because I brought up, let me ask you. What do you think about how people relate to food and how they nourish their bodies as it relates to beliefs? And I know that's a really touchy subject because you, I'm not in a space to try to offend anybody on how they eat or their relationship with food. But I do believe that some of the core beliefs that we've developed as. youngsters or where you fit into a culture kind of has an impact on that. It does. It does. you could go all the way back again from slavery to what you and your culture were taught in preparation of food. We eat our share of soul food if you want to call it fried greens. So, we've all been, sometimes over salting things, doing different things to our food. And that's all based on how we were taught. Right? Because if we all we had was chitlins. Yeah. I don't eat chitlins, but if that's all you had, and that's what you prepared, and that's what you prepared, turkey, turkey necks, whatever, you know, little things that everybody's like, well, you got the scrapings and whatever, yeah, the scrapings of whatever was left, but it became like a delicacy, right? Now, even when we were able to not Just be limited to those things. We still fall back to what we know. It is because that's what we was taught. That's what we experienced. And it becomes that. Just like we kind of started out saying that's how we work, but I also believe that again your environment Uh your attitude about food, How you buy your food like yes, maybe where you taught how to go grocery shop or different things. So it's still about your upbringing and what you're experiencing. Do you feel like you can afford to get healthy food? Healthy food. Because I've heard that from a lot of people. Yeah. It's like everybody say, well, I can't afford it. The healthy stuff is too expensive. It can be. I'm not begrudging it. Organic, all these references and all that. So it can be financially draining. I am saying also some of it is what is fresh? What were you talking? Are you eating canned vegetables versus going to the, frozen or to the fresh or do you have transportation to be able to go get what you need? Do you have to go live in a food desert store and you don't have enough stores around you to make it, you'd be able to go. So therefore you have to purchase certain things. So that's why I say your environment, influences your eating habits and what you have around you. How do I say it? I go to the grocery store. I can be an emotional eater sometimes, right? If, and so I think that can be taught and a part of what you're doing to kind, as a coping mechanism. Some people use food to go, Be a part of how they go soothe themselves. Yes. I watched our mom do it. I mean, it was something I did, I had one ice cream. Ice cream is one of yours that I have done. But again, it's what you observe is what you see. And then once you, I call it feel that soothing, even if you are not really, receiving a soothing thing. It is about how you feel when you're doing it. Yes. Yes. And you feel like you're calming down or you feel like you're, leveling out and it might be horrible for you. It tricks off things in your, in your, in your brain, and then your body starts to crave it and you want do it again and again and again. So I agree. And then people who buy too much or buy some of the wrong things. It's usually based in something. It's a belief. It's a belief. And some of it, to me, is based in, and it's an environment, but a taught thing, and yeah, okay, say you're living in, let's just say, a life of poverty. Mm hm. And this is how you grew up. Mm hm. And then you get some food, foods already, you're like, Ooh, these things are become more expensive and things like that. And so you've had times where you were hungry and you had to eat the same thing. Over and over for an extended period of time or there just wasn't what you couldn't just go in and pick what you wanted It was just not available. It was cooked. Yeah Voni doesn't eat potato soup to this day because of that and I eat potato soup to this day because of that Let's tell why yes, we were poor we would have it often often It had to last for days. Yes. And it was a big part of it. And you, all we had was potatoes, maybe some cheese, bacon. My bacon. Bacon or certain things. And so yeah, I won't eat it to Yes. So if you lived in that environment, then you believe that, if you have more mm-hmm Like say for instance now all of a sudden you got some food stamps. Mm-hmm And you could go off to the store and buy whatever you want. And then you might tend to overindulge because yes, you have this belief that you might not have this, get it again sometime in the future. So you're gonna splurge and have this little yes thing. Yeah, these things happen. You do. They do. And people look at say, I can't believe they spending them on that. Well, you don't understand their experience. You don't understand. You gotta go understand why I get it. I don't understand And or they might go out i've done that myself Especially when I first got in a position where I could dine out on a regular Then I wanted to get the biggest thing on the menu All that shit. Give it to me, give it to me. You know, so if you want to really indulge and experience, I wasn't looking like what's the healthiest thing for me here and what is going to nourish my mind, body, and spirit. I was not thinking anything like that when I was looking at the menu. Now I'm more mindful. A lot of times I might indulge still when I go out, but it's not as rampant as it was when I first stepped into that space. Yes. Now I'm dealing with as I age, now I'm dealing with, okay, what's going to get me heartburn, what's going to get me Real talk! You know, that's real, that's real. But it's still being more conscious about what you're eating is more intentional. But it's not due to lack or a thought process that I'm going to overindulge or do anything for me at least that. Yes. Yeah. So these things happen. So I was thinking about that There's a lot of interconnectedness and weaving and not just about from our parents Like you were saying Voni. It's your environment, it's your culture, it's what's going on in the world at this time. So, I'm always thinking about when I had that experience during the breath work, I cried really hard because I was thinking about what I had delivered to my children and my grandchildren. What have I projected onto them to affect their beliefs? And they have to accept it or reject it, I always believed that you have that decision. However, it still pained my heart. Yeah. And I asked them for forgiveness. Yeah. And I'm thankful that they all still love me and care for me and talk to me. They accept me for who I am. And I've been in some really dark places in my life, but I've worked to. Doing the work to transition past that, those spaces of my life. Mm-hmm. And live in a space of love and life. The growth to be able to help you, you really focus on your, your inner self and personal growth. Absolutely. That's priority for me. Yeah. I stepped back continuous learning about that. Yes. Even following up on this breath work was a new. In your journey and I'm deep into it. Oh, I love it. I want to know everything. I want to know everything. I will have the practice. It feels so good. I did it this morning and it's just so good. It lights up your day. Now, I did find that I didn't want to go to sleep last night. Oh, but it stimulates you somehow. Yes. So, uh, working on yourself. But that's a belief that I've been developing on my own, but it's like the accepted or rejected thing. I didn't want to keep living the way I was. Yeah. I knew something had to change. And I remember when I was deep into my alcoholism in the last days. And I'll share this, I talk about my alcoholism a lot and I probably will continue to on this show because it was a huge part of my life. And When I used to drink and I used to at towards the end, especially, I used to get mean. Mm-hmm She was mean. I was mean. And, I mean, I'd slap strangers, I could be out somewhere and somebody say the wrong thing to me. I come back from down the street and God, brothers and brothers, different people I don't even know. They used to tell me, hit me, protect me. Protect needs to hit me. We didn't fight like that. We don't do that. But she was mean. She was mad. So one of the things that I knew about myself is that Within like when people you say, we're going to, we're going to record you and show you how you be acting now and you, you need to, you need to get it together. And I wanted to get it together. I didn't want to be there, but nobody knew that on the inside that I was crying and that I was like, the real Niecee is in here. I'm in here yall. But I didn't know quite how to. Transition out of it. I'm thankful that I did. So my heart goes out to anybody that is still in that process, in the grips of alcoholism, drug addiction or any type of addiction, smoking, drinking, food, anything. It can get you in the grips. It's a challenge to pull yourself out. And I remember I used to listen to what was that soldier of love? Oh, yeah Sade. That's one of the things I feel like Because on the inside,, man, I'm not So I'll ride I got the will to survive, and then it just there go them chills again. And so nobody knew it So when you? When you transition out of it and develop a new belief and start building from the ground up. Cause I like tore my life all the way down. And so when I started building my life all the way back up, I had to develop new beliefs in order to sustain it. So I feel like I would have kind of moved back. Into when you were practicing that this is a question I have for you that I get it. I do understand that I explain it Well, you did excellent me what I would like to help others Understand so when we say I had a different belief system. How did you recognize? That you were active. You knew you were actively Making a different choice. I get that part. Do you do any reflection and say oh i'm changing Oh, okay. Or did you just go, say I'm going to start doing this, this, this, and this, and you didn't even really look back or how do you, because when I was in the grips of addiction, I was on autopilot. Okay. Almost, like, at different times, my internal system says, I'm not really giving it much thought. Okay. And so after I had my last moment, Of drinking it was a terrible night. I ended up sleeping outside night sleeping in the hallway like a real life bum And I said if I make it past this because I thought I was gonna die I think I had a touch of alcohol. I know I had alcohol poisoning Yes, and so I was like if I could I was so weak I was sick because she said wasn't eating. Yeah. I never ate when I drank. If you were get me to eat at the end, you were lucky. And I might fall asleep, asleep on the plate. I wake on food on my face. So it's like, when I woke up and I was so sick and I was hurting,'cause I got injured that night and I was like, if I can make it out of this, I will never drink again. I will leave the alcohol behind. And, but had you said that other times. Not with that sincerity and finality. Had to try. Something shifted. Okay. I had the, I'm gonna try. Okay. Okay. That's the difference attitude. Okay. Okay. You know how I feel some kind of way about that. I'm gonna try because anything that I've let go, I used to smoke wacky. You use a finality. I used to drink. I used to smoke cigarettes. I still drink coffee, you know? It's like when I stop that too, I'm gonna try to stop. Yeah, that's where I'm still in the trying mode with the coffee. Yes, I'm trying to cut back, but I've noticed that anytime that I've said that I'm going to try, I'm not wholeheartedly invested. And that's a belief that I have about myself and others. I accept that. Feel that way about it. If you saying, I hope I'm gonna try, I'm gonna give it my best shot. You're not there yet. Okay. Because when you do it, so to answer your question, once I came to that finality, I had to slow down. I took days. I kind of withdrew from everybody. I'm in a withdrawal phase at the moment in my life, just because I go through these different phases where I just step back and. transition to my next, I guess. But I had to step back, be still, and think about what I was doing and where I was going. So it wasn't like, I just like, I got a new belief. I had to slow down, evaluate, think about some things and decide that I want to do something different. Yep. And that's the same thing I said about the money piece. I believed that it was going to happen. I believed wholeheartedly. And so that might be my answer. There you just said it out loud. We just, that's why I'm trying to get you there. I'm trying to guide you there. But when you say that, that was the exact same thing that I had to do about money, about money. What I wanted. Yes. No, you just, it's the same. It's the same thing. You just got to get there. Yes. Have you been saying how you've been saying with your money's beliefs that I'm going to try to have a different belief or are you saying I'm going, you see what I believe that I believe different. It ain't that I'm going to, it's gotta be there already. Exactly. See, you just said it to yourself. You just said it out loud. And just, you did it. You did it. I love it. Okay. And see how we, yeah. And this is, but to me, okay. That's what I do enjoy about our conversations. I feel like, we talk about this, we pour into each other when mom's here or when my other siblings, or, when we're interacting, that is something that I appreciate, is that you're trying to uplift each other, be your best self, do we still act a fool or have a. Fun, crazy time. Cause that's what can we be messy? No, we can. We can we're not perfect. We're not a perfect group, but we love. We do. And we want to see our best selves. each other, but it feels good. And that's where I know when we bring our family together, even if when it's a lot of work, that too is an energy that yes, feels good to me because of how we pour into each other through motivation. Through, listening, just listening, being there for each other, just to be an ear if somebody's going through a rough time, let them talk it out, let them talk through it, if they ask for some feedback, want some feedback, you give it to them, help them get there, but it's just, I agree. It's how we, respond and nurture each other. So that's what I would say. When I was having this SisterGirl Sessions, I'm just going to say this, I really do want us to have another girls night. I know I do. And maybe we'll do a little recording. We can't record everything. There's some things going on. It's a mess. And it's time to pour into each other and we can be messy. There are many facets to our personality. Exactly. But I'd like to show some footage, account how we get down and what we do. But I know. Yes. We need to plan that. Yeah. Yeah. Because last time we had to do, we had to go get an Airbnb. We have to have, we'll get it done. We'll get it done. We gonna have, we gotta, we was gonna be a better house than we had the last time. Yes. That was not big enough. It wasn't. Yes. And Mom was there. The last one we had. Mm-hmm So it's been a couple years since we've done that time. Time. We are going to three. Yes. Wow. Into three years. Yes. Wow. All right. Now, one thing we didn't talk about in beliefs that I see on your notes is around handling conflict. Now, that's a taught behavior sometimes or observation environment, right? We talked to y'all a little bit about how we grew up when we moved at a certain stage in our lives to, Parker Square, different community, very family oriented. But it can be rough. People, tested you, wanted to see who you were, what you were about. And, we were talking and you were saying, Nicee and I are very different in how we handle conflict. I'm more of a verbal person. Probably if you say certain things to me, I'm going to respond back. Verniece listens. She don't respond. You will see the emotion on her. I do if I know, if I know her, we don't know life without each other, right? So, I can always tell when something has impacted her. People who don't really know her are sometimes oblivious to it. I see it immediately and know. I'm like, uh oh. We got a problem because she's not happy. but, and her children know it. I mean, don't get me wrong. People know, but some of how we address conflict was taught to us. Yes. Right. Yes. You couldn't be bullied. You got to stand up for yourself. You better not come up in this house. And, uh, you better defend yourself and, I'm gonna lock you up. I mean, this is literally, It's literally half the time. They said, hey, I'm gonna lock you out of this house. You ain't gonna be coming over here crying all the time. You're gonna have to learn how to, navigate this environment. Now, were we violent kids? No. Were we out there going and fighting every week? No, that wasn't it. Don't look I'm looking around like that. I have strong feelings about this. Yeah, but it was It was something that was ingrained in us. It was taught to us. It was tough. So yeah, let's talk about it. This is how we did it. And believe that was embedded into us that, you have to be able to defend yourself in this world. And sometimes it will take violence. Yes. And when we move back, to the, to the neighborhood, to the jets, to the projects. And I was five and you were seven. And like, we talked about on our first session that we take our toys outside and, you know, they treat us real bad. And a lot of times it was the boys. And so We run away and went back into the house and tried to go tell mom and them, they are. And so mom and dad, we get a lot of, we, we live here, in the projects now. So you have to be ready to defend yourself. So you're going to have to go back outside and either you're going to win that fight or you're going to have to go. Come back in here and deal with me. So, you know, we had to go back outside. I know it happened to me. I remember looking at the door and the screen door was locked. I'm like, you gotta go out here and face the people and then you gotta fight. And so I was small, so I'm within this, and she didn't, you didn't grow, you didn't, you were always a small short. Yes, I was small. As a kid, you were I was pretty small. And she taller than me now. Yes, but I was kind of petite as a child, and I used to get picked on a lot, and so I had to go out there and give it my best shot. So then, Daddy started taking us in the basement and teaching He used to box in the Golden gloves. Yeah. So he used to go down and teach us how to box, how to defend, how to fly a hat, no, don't hold it. Don't, don't do that. Somebody come and you do this. So we know how to do it. We learned officially. It's like, don't go out there. You will lose if you do not think. Yeah. And he's like, and if somebody looks like they're going to hit you, you might as well hit us. And we're not trying to promote violence, not at, this is just our experience and what we had to happen. So one of the things that I know, like you said, I'm not a arguer, so people I might said we didn't fight every week. I felt like I fought a lot. Okay. I did have to fight a lot when we were, whereas I was growing up, but a lot of it was because I didn't say a lot. Mm-hmm And so defender, argue, argue with, had a fight with somebody argue, and it was perceived that I won. Then somebody was always up the chain that's looking at you like, yeah, I'm a test her. I could do it. And then they'd start in on me. And a lot of times I would not say anything to you. If you arguing or talking about me or something, I'd just be looking at you. And I go home and I'm internalizing it and I go home and I start thinking about what I could do to you. I'm developing a plan. So I'm developing a plan on how I'm going to execute, put on my skills. And so if you keep it up and then you come across my path or I might just. Get fed up and come after you and I might be ready, but most of the time people thought maybe I was a bully, but I never pursued anybody that hadn't already messed with me a whole lot of times. Now, when I got to that point and I'm not going to argue with you, I ain't never been that person. So by the time I come for you, it's too late. I might come in your house. I did two girls that way. You know, I'm coming, and now here we are, and everybody's like, Verniece is a bully. No, Verniece ain't no bully. Verniece was a product of her environment. Now, you had one period of your life where you was, after we saw Roots for the first time, you remember that? Oh, yeah. And we were in it, but we gonna talk about that. We'll talk about that in another episode, but she did do that one time. I do remember that. Momma took her back home. She got, she got in trouble with the stool. Well, we didn't get in trouble with the stool. I know, I know. We couldn't get in trouble with the stool. That was one of the few times. Yeah, twice that year. I was off the chain that year. Twice that year, I got one. That time I put that girl head in the toilet stool. Oh, see. And, and then the Roots thing. But yeah. But no, you didn't. And the only time I would have con, I'm gonna say the only time, most of the time when I had conflict or ever had to fight was usually defending her. Where some older had to jump in somebody else, somebody older. We had to protect each other.'cause if I came home and it was, this is something, this is even taught to us, so let's think about this member time daddy you had got into it with somebody so many times. I was like, daddy, I am tired. Of fighting and going and he lit into me saying you, if you come in this house and I found out you was not there to help support and defend your sister. Again, you gonna have to deal with me. Mm-hmm Now internally, I was like, this girl fighting too much I don't even wanna go out here and fight like this. I take Yeah. But I was, I had gotten fed up with the fighting, you know? Yes, yes. But then I then hear your parents turn on you and like. You better, you better, or are you going to get jumped on? And I was there and you didn't do nothing about it. Oh, it was on. And I was fearful. I have my parents in that respect. Yes. So I, it's not like you want to condone violence or anything like that, but these were things that were taught to us based on our environment that you, we defended each other. We supported each other. And, it was just because it was kind of somewhat of a responsibility that you felt you were supposed to do. It's like I mentioned to you, my daughter Sheena said to me that, I had to recognize that she is so right. I was not, I'm not naturally a fighter. Okay. I'm not a violent person. I'm really a calm person, you know? And so if, because of the environment I had that I was in and the expectations surrounding it. I had to do what I had to do to survive within that environment. And that's just kind of how it played out. She's like, mom, you, that's not even who you are. You just were a product of your environment and you had to do what you had to do in order to make it through that experience. And that is so true. And I think there are a lot of people that experience life in that way. Girl, I thought of another one. What? Where mom taught us this one, is that, and we have a lot of girls in our family. And momma, remember momma telling us that we, that as girls, we don't date the same guys. We, if one of your cousins or sisters or somebody dated that guy, or something like that. Or they even liked him. Even liked him. If they liked him, but they didn't like them back. That's a good one. You couldn't do it. I still hold that. I see. And that's why I think we taught our girls. Yes. We in it. If somebody violated, Oh my God, they get together. She's like, we don't do that because we taught them that our parents taught us, they taught them. That just came to my head. That's a good one. That's a good one. But that was a belief our mom taught us. And mine extends outside of my, Family extends to my friends, even if it's a guy who likes you try to turn. Yes, because you're not going to be able to make, it's going to be difficult to maintain that friend. Yes. If you want to end with your family, can't mess it up. That was the philosophy about the why. Yes, you got to maintain, but that was a good one. That was a good one. You accept it or reject it. Yeah, I carry that one. I did too. But there are so many little things that you kind of started out that you learned from your parents that you carried over. You either took some of them and you did it. Mm hmm. And you did the same thing. Because when we were in our 20s, we were partying, card playing, doing all that same stuff. Kicked it. Kicked it. Me and Niecee used to throw the best parties. I did. I used to have some lit parties. Yup. Yup. We used to have good parties. Everybody wanted to come. But, at the same time, that was what we were taught. Now, when we got to a certain phase in life, I know I did, especially, I was like, okay, I'm done with that. That's not going good. I wanted to be a better example for my daughter. She's starting to see mama do certain things. So I was like, uh, one of my old bosses says, she's starting to judge you, Voni. She's going to pay attention to what you're doing. And I paid attention to that. Yeah. I was a late bloomer. I paid attention to it. It took me a minute to get to myself, but my, by the time I did, TaTa, BeBe,. Libertie were already born, it was Justice. Yeah. That you got your way. Oh man. But my daughter said something to me, yesterday that made me aware of a belief. That it was just through action that I taught her. And, her watching me. So one of the things you never talked about it with her or anything. We talked about it, in that, I can't tell what it is. Okay. Is that you teach your children how to love by your actions, by how you engage with other adults, how you are each other, your spouse, your siblings. I believe that in how you argue, all of those things resolve conflict. You're teaching. Young people how to love especially when they love you, right? These are the people that they love so they don't want to see you hurt So they you know, uh, I say all that to say one of the things that Jacque said to me is that mom? I never saw my parents argue I knew that I did and I was pretty intentional about it And I know it was based again Voni being somewhat rebellious And watching my parents argue. Okay, so I did not want to inflict that on her. At least that's what my intention was. You see where I'm going? Now, I remember my husband and I at that time in our lives, he worked nights, I worked days. So it worked out that where she was usually at school or somewhere else where she really never saw us resolve a conflict. Now she might see it sometimes where we were together her entire life, right? lived together, been together. So she saw us constantly. She would see periods when we were not speaking to each other because you know how it goes. But what she did not see is how we resolved the conflict. And I didn't realize she had challenges. And now she says, I have challenges with that. I don't know what to do. I haven't seen it demonstrated. Yes. So that's where you say that was her to share that with me and it took me. I had to take it in, you know, to say, yeah, I did. I did. And I apologize. I didn't show her. She said, cause I can go from and she's strong willed just like her mom, but she also, can go shoot up to 10 very fast. and so she says she knows she's not necessarily handling it. Right. But she didn't know how. Yeah. She either shut down or go way up. Go way too far. Yeah. And get messy. Mm-hmm So it's a growth thing. And I know as parents, and here we are Gen Xers and we raising the millennials and what's the name? Gen Z. Gen Z. And here comes the alpha and come that, oh, is that the name? Okay. Yeah. I think that's where Mauriair is. Is. Okay. So we got all these babies that we are trying to influence. But here we are. In a positive way. We're still learning and growing. Yes. And that's the thing is that, the accepted or reject it or developing your own beliefs. Sometimes you can take bits and pieces. But you have to come to what works best for you. Mm-hmm And, and helping you live a nice, healthy life. Yes. Because we can't help what environment we were put into. And then your kids have to learn that you are very flawed. Yeah. And you're human. Human learning and growing along your way. You didn't, you weren't perfect. And it took me a while to learn that my parents weren't, it was stuff that I took from'em. Like you said, I accepted or rejected certain things, but at a certain point I was an adult. I just stopped and said, dang. Mm-hmm Mm-hmm They were flaw too.'cause it was bad when I started recognizing I was making mistakes and doing things. Mm-hmm And I had to stop and say, well, when I was sitting there getting mad at Mama and them thought I'd do everything doing the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. So. What you thinking about? What you thinking? I saw your eyes rolling up. I'm just thinking about my future generations coming in and how I really strongly desire to be. Uh, to show up as my best self in the, what I leave as my legacy, whenever it's time for me to transition is that they'll have a positive reflection of me when they go by, even with my flaws and things like that. When you said that, it just gave my spirit a good, a good smile cause mama did the same thing. She did. And she left us all smiling. Yeah. And so now, we know our mommas are now our mommas, girl, momma was, she was an alcoholic too, right? She was, she could tell you she had her time and she went through the whole transition wishing, wanting to be better and all of that. Now there's a generation of our kids never knew momma drank. Never knew her that way, never seen her that way. And I, when you said that it gave my spirit, I was like, Oh, I bet you that's how my mother did. Felt too. Felt too. Yes. Wanted to be just better and better. I do, I get it too. To be a positive influence on your children and your family. Yes. And not only that, influence, I don't know that, uh, that's the word for me. Okay. I say not necessarily a influence, but a representation, a positive representation, a positive role model, somebody that you can say. It does influence, but it's not like I'm sitting out to get you to do something. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's I just want to be a living example of someone who says, Hey, I want the journey of life is to grow. Learn, evolve, once you stop growing, loving, evolving, then you might as well hang up your coat and say lay down on the bed and go to bed. My journey's not over, I plan to be here for a long, long time, so it is. Not that influence is bad, but that's just not. My verbiage that says, okay, sits right in my spirit no, you said it right. You're not trying to change them. No. I want them to walk their path. yes, I get it. No, that was good counter there. I totally understand. Okay, I do you get me? I do. Thank goodness because sometimes I feel like people do like what this girl talking about. That's okay. That's all right We're not all meant to be understood by everybody. No, we are not. That is okay. Not everybody's cup of tea. But those that get me, get me. And love you, love you. Yes. And I feel the same about my journey. Yes. I get you. I kind of get like, I don't care if you don't like me. I don't know. I get you. I mean, I'm going to try to be nice to you. I'll treat me good. I'll be a good partner. Engage with you. But I'm okay. I'm okay though. Yes. I'm okay with me. Yes. You too. Oh, when you come to that point in your life, that feels good. Yeah. Now that's come with age. It does. It's come with age that I had to learn to like myself. I think our younger generations that are trying to find themselves and who they're going to be, because once you transition. From childhood to adulthood and trying to plant your feet and how you're going to do life Yeah, stay encouraged if you somebody young out there then you will find your path You are a lot stronger than you might ever believe it. So hang in there Step into it with confidence make the mistakes Keep pushing forward learn from the mistakes and then keep showing up. What was that pattern? You just said, bro You And using that same thought process. What was it? Grow? What was the other time you said? I don't know. Evolve. You said grow our darn thing. We done forgot the name. but I speak from the spirit, so. You did. She done forgot what she said. But what I guess what I'm saying. Grow, learn, evolve. Yes. Grow, learn, evolve. Learn, evolve. That is where you were telling the young people too. Yeah, that's all you're doing in life. Grow, learn, evolve. Okay, I had to come back. Grow, learn, evolve. You got it. So that's what we have to leave for our babies or for the young people. Be patient. A lot of people who know me say this. Have grace with yourself. Have grace, love yourself and have grace with yourself to know you will make mistakes. As long as you grow it, learn it, and evolve it. You gonna be Okay. That's it. Now you see we are about at an hour. Oh yes. And our recording. So we're gonna wrap this up. This has been fun. It's, we always have a good time. Keep going on this, yes, we could. But we learn so much we do about each other. Even when we do this, we always surprise each other after the sessions go out. We like Voni, I didn't know that or Niecee. Niecee. Tell me that all the time. I ain't heard about you. Yes, yes. And, but I still learn things about you too as we kind of talk and have our debates here. And so, and if nothing, now this is something that we'll leave behind for our babies. That they'll say, what did they think about things like that? You know, you know, with technology being back then. Oh, no, it's out there. It's out there. They come across it and find it or let one of the kids hold it or something. I don't know. But. I believe that it'll help if it helps one person. I know it. That's a good thing. I love it So thank you all for joining us today and hanging in here with us if you're still here This has been a great session. If you have some thoughts on your beliefs How they're developed, where you're at in your journey, and you want to share, leave us a comment. Always hit that smash that like button, subscribe, click on the notification button so that you'll be notified when we upload new sessions and share it. Yes. Thank you, Voni. I forgot that. Share with somebody you think this session might help or that might resonate with them and where they are on their journey. And we will be back again and until next time, peace.