Letting Go of Perfection: Embrace Your Flaws, Find Freedom & Self-Acceptance | Sister Girl Session 4

In this transparent episode of the Sister Girl Sessions podcast, hosts Niecee and Voni dive into the inescapable challenges of perfectionism and how it shapes our lives. From sharing personal stories rooted in childhood influences and societal expectations to exploring the journey toward self-acceptance, this heartfelt conversation offers practical advice and relatable insights.

Key topics include:

Childhood influences on perfectionism (03:06)
Balancing perfection with self-acceptance (14:18)
Vulnerability in relationships (27:37)
Overcoming physical insecurities and teasing (35:09)
Creating safe spaces for personal growth and connection (42:24)

If you’re ready to embrace your flaws, release unrealistic expectations, and find joy in being your authentic self, this episode is for you. Let’s grow together, one step at a time.

Subscribe to The Sister Girl Sessions for more empowering conversations, and don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments!

📌 Timestamps for Quick Navigation:
00:00 Welcome to Sister Girl Sessions
00:24 Letting Go of Perfectionism
03:06 Childhood Influences
14:18 Balancing Perfection and Acceptance
27:37 Vulnerability in Relationships
42:24 Creating Safe Spaces for Vulnerability
49:17 Closing Remarks

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#thesistergirlsessions #sistergirlcommunity #LettingGoOfPerfection #SelfAcceptance #SisterGirlSessions #EmbraceYourFlaws #PersonalGrowth #Vulnerability #AuthenticLiving #MentalHealthAwareness #Perfectionism #PodcastForWomen #SelfConfidence #PersonalDevelopment

Transcript

niecee---voni_2_01-12-2025_180802: 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Sister Girl Sessions podcast. My name is Niecee and I'm Voni and we have created this podcast as a space for us to come together and share life experiences, lessons learned, just to talk about different topics in general, all with the Gen X vibe and with a few laughs, we hope. So we appreciate you being here today. On today we're going to be talking about Letting Go of Perfections and Embracing Our Flaws. So with that, I am going to turn it over to Voni. She knows I always turn it over to her. Let's kick it off. Let's do it! That Pressure, that pressure. Well, when I think about that question or pose it to myself, I always, Okay, I'm going to start with the astrology kind of thing that people have as a philosophy. I'm a Virgo. Yes. Right? And so what I've always heard, or people tell you that like Virgos are perfectionists. Yes. And you kind of have this really high expectation about yourself and then of other people too. So at first, uh, throughout my life, especially early in my life, I carried that around quite a bit. Uh, even in my twenties and even as a kid, I would carry that around. And I resonated with it when people would say that to me, because I do have high expectations of myself and others, because you can disappoint me. And it was related to being a Virgo? I did! Mom used to, or maybe mama did, I don't know what the relationship Mom had the superstitions and astrology. Yeah, and then it was like, as I grew up, it kind of got validated. Because people kept saying it. And so like, I felt justified for being that way. Like, yeah, I'm supposed to, I'm a Virgo. That's what I do. And so, but then with it comes a lot of, of stress. And burden. Now, I won't tell you, that when I, when you, when just the concept itself, I think you go through phases in life of understanding your levels of perfection and flaws. Yes. Cause it takes you a while to be able to understand your own flaws or even sometimes some people have to do it. Tell you a little bit about yourself too. I agree. Yeah, you learn by, people, your relationships, your friendships and different things. So, um, I've learned to, understand why I think that way about perfectionism even in myself or other people. Mm hmm. And Also, but with my age I've learned to kind of find a balance yes So I can't wait to get into a little deeper, but that's what stands out to me Yeah, and I why did I ever think I had to be perfect or it kind of, those are things that resonate with me when I hear that. And I know I carry around some expectations of myself. I think, we've talked about before, people's opinions of you. Yes. And people make statements about you. And even one time, even as a kid, a kid, I call myself a kid. Now it was, I was a teenager at the time. You'll remember this one time daddy was fussing at me about something, you didn't call me a dummy. Yes. That carried something with me probably still do to this very day. But it's like who says certain things to you that you can also have this level of expectation about yourself. So in that example, I tell you, I carry even some of my thoughts about perfectionism, attitudes about myself and where, where I was going to prove him wrong. I'm not dumb. I know. And so I kind of elevated my thought process and things that I wanted to achieve to prove other people wrong. But at the same time, I was creating all this extra burden on myself. Yes. Oh boy. That's deep. Very, very well said too. I get it. I understand. What does it say? And I've learned a lot. I'd have to say I learned a lot about you and your thought processes. Through this whole thing? For real? We known each other our whole lives, y'all. We don't know life without each other. Tell me more. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We still discovering things about each other. Thinking, somebody, but you really don't know until they tell you certain things. And for me, when I think about, the burdens that I put on myself with perfection, we talked about having this podcast and having this as a topic. And I was kind of asking myself some perspective. Some questions like, where do you struggle with that at? Where did it stem from? And mine goes back to being a little child, and being in a, an environment where. of poverty, but people striving to be their best selves and pull themselves up out of the situation. And I will say that what I learned in growing up is that a lot of people, even in the poverty strickened areas are proud or proud people. Yes. And so they want to stand up and put their best foot forward and being, having the expectation from my parents that I carried myself a certain way. I'll tell y'all when I was a little child, I was a big tomboy. No. Yeah. Yeah. I was just, I just wanted to run around. I wanted to explore the world, try everything in the world. And I didn't, I just wanted to go outside. I didn't care what I look like, what my clothes match, none of that. You wouldn't know that now, you didn't know that now. Now she got a level of perfectionism about her attire now that we gonna talk about. We gonna talk about that. Sooner or later. Yeah, yeah, we gonna talk about that. But it started from there. Uh huh. I used to get chastised about that. Yeah, a lot. I'd be looking at myself like, what's wrong, where is this? You know? And then you go outside and I got teased a lot. Yeah, I got teased a lot because I didn't have a lot of the fashionable clothes or expensive clothes to wear to school and in the neighborhood and things like that. And so, I used to feel like I needed to be a certain way in order to be accepted. And that's where you see an acceptance was kind of one of the roots of your, is that what you're saying? Yes, acceptance and fitting in. Okay. Or just the feeling of being treated differently because you didn't have certain things. Didn't really feel good to me on the inside. So I didn't like that. I had some there myself. It shows up in ways that we can talk about it. We can talk about it because Yes. When you were growing up and it's like, man, just because I don't have all the name band things or we like we've talked about before, our hair was really thick and really long, but it was, coarse it was. It wasn't like super matted at if anybody African

7:18

american

niecee---voni_2_01-12-2025_180802: 7:19

Hair. Yeah, African American hair. It was, it was thick and it was healthy and yeah. And my mom, she didn't really know how to comb hair all that great. And we were stern. She tender headed. I was super tender headed. I'm still headed to this day. I can, I barely have hair and I could be like, ow. So, yep. Yeah. You know, and we used to get teased about our hair. Yeah. they used to say we had dookie braids, because our ponytails were real thick. And, but you come to later, find out a lot of those people that teased us were jealous they were jealous of us. Yeah, we didn't receive it that way. It was hard. It was humiliating. It was. We cried we did all that I remember it together. Yeah, we even had some cousins and People who came helped us. Yes Yeah, they took care of me Yeah, they helped us along our way especially when we got Into the, uh, the projects. Yes, we were saying, well, and them kids down there were ruthless, so we, we thank God we had big cousins. Yes, thank y'all. If anybody watches this, thank y'all for looking out for us. Y'all helped us along our way. I love them, my big cousins, love them. Thankful to have family here in Kansas City. So that's where my stem from is like trying to, understand why what's expected? What should I be doing? And as I watched and looked and that's I used to watch and see well what was different from me the others and I don't know if that's where I got my desire for fashion I love to I love fashion. I love clothes if I could shop till I drop I probably would because I just enjoy it and putting different looks together because I as a child great thing Pride in that. See, I just buy stuff. Verniece be like, you know, you gotta have, you gotta have this flow. This is our flow, But as a little child, I started to watch people and how they were and put it together. And people that I like that the way, well, if I did have it, I'd probably get something like this or, different things like that. But where, where would you describe the, would you describe that as a, a, about perfectionism though? In your day to day though, so you do you carry some of that pain hurt? Some of the, observations and lack that you kind of just described that caused you. So do you carry it around as a way of trying to be, validate and validate yourself? Yes. And it's kind of a form of, Perfectionist. I'm, you know, it's one of my flaws that I'm still working on. Okay. I am making progress because when, at some point when I finally got financially stable enough, because I had experienced so much lack and things like that, when I was able, then I wanted to go out and buy all the name brand stuff. I needed the Nike. I needed the Puma. Now it's like, I really don't care about all that. and I understand that I, they, a lot of times some of the label things do have more quality and I respect that. I will respect the brand, but at the same time, trying to put something on just to say, Hey, I got to have this label on the cross of my chest to say I got something. Yeah, I'm way past that. So I'm healing. But at the same time, I do feel that I carry some of that with me because of what I experienced growing up and desiring to fit in and, and be, I guess, accepted or validating that, yes, I am just like everybody else. I'm no different because I used to feel different as a child. A lot of things that I deal with, stem from childhood, most of our stuff, most of the things we deal with in life, I believe are usually stem from experiences or traumas or, really memorable moments in your life and parents and parents, your parents. Yes, too. I do. My parents used to get on me about, keeping yourself together, keeping your hair together. Daddy used to say, your hair is your crown. Crown and glory. Why don't you be out here looking no kind of way with your hair undone. You got to keep it together. I grew up with these things and then when I looked out and when I wasn't. up to par. I felt it. Yeah. felt the wrath of it. Little self conscious, little self conscious. Well, I think, and okay, it's gonna be some kind of controversial, but it kind of is in the same realm. And it, and I think it's the difference, in our generation. That today people were a lot more laxed. Yes. So like when we were growing up and now, our mothers and our parents were baby boomers. So when they would get up to go out, they would dress. Not my, I wouldn't say mama would always get dressed up, but she would get dressed. Yes. So you wasn't going outside in no bonnets. You are not going outside. With no rollers in your head or any of those things. And so we grew up very much so not being able to wrinkle wrinkle while your clothes are wrinkled, you ain't gonna put an iron on that. And I'm not an ironer. We're from the Stay Flo generation. And so we don't, we, you know, we grew up, mama's like, uh, you're not going down nowhere with me looking like that. So now when we see other people in other generations who don't have those experiences or even expectations. Yes. See the difference? Yes. What I mean? That's a difference. They don't even consider that. It ain't even a thing. It's not a thing. And here I am and I'm knowing I'm judging. I am. I'm having to admit. I'm like girl, you shouldn't have done that. I don't even have people come to work. Or be at work wearing stuff like that. Now that's because I'm, I'm a Gen Xer. Yes. I have, I have expectations, perspectives. I do. And I'm a, I'm a, I just say a leader in the company. I have expectations. Yes. Of how people show up for interviews about how. People choose to show up that day. It's a representation of yourself, but it's not, I'm not saying it's a perfectionism. I just, it's that balance of trying to say, show up the way you want the world to see you, see you. Yeah. But is that a, Is that kind of me throwing my stuff on other people? I'm just asking. I think it might be, yeah, I can't say that. That's one of my flaws. I know. That's why I'm recognizing. I'm just saying. What are you doing? I'm judging. I'm judging. My grandkids, they come around with some little chipped polish, you know, I'm like, what are we doing over here? Get some polish remover quick Ankles. Rusty. You need some lotion. But I feel like I'm participating in it too. Now that we're having this conversation, Wow. So, but it's all of those things. That's what you said. It comes from your childhood. What was the expectations of you? I think as I, entered the business world, I had that too. One of my, I still carry sometimes. Is it like if I have a report or a presentation or something that I have due? I will work that thing and keep working it and keep working it until rewording, rewording things over because I need some more graphics. I mean, I, I have a hard time letting it go and I think it has a lot to do. With with say, is it enough? And dealing with the fact that it is enough and it doesn't have to be perfect so because if you go into it and you usually do it because you want to impress people or It's a really important message you want to get across Yes that you don't want anybody to be confused or misunderstanding what you're trying to achieve So you put your heart and soul in it. I just have a hard time letting it go and be you Yes. And do it. I've gotten better with it. Yes. But for years in my professional career, it was very, very difficult for me to let go of projects or documents or reports and different things. I can understand that. I'm the same way. Well, like if I'm doing a PowerPoint, I would be on it forever trying to make sure everything's lined up. Lines. like. Is it, uh. Paragraphs. Paragraphs. Paragraphs. Faces, right? Yeah, this one's a little higher than this. Coloring's off, it can't look sloppy. Yeah. So I definitely get that. Yeah. Yeah. So we're still in the midst of it. We have growth left to do, but it kind of takes me to my, one of my, saying is that I'd like to say is that I'm perfectly imperfect. Yes. And I could never get it Wrong. Really? No, it's no, it is. There is no wrong. I can never get it wrong and I can never get it done because it's a journey. It is. It's a journey, not a destination. And I think, uh, me and my youngest daughter, Shena, were having, you know, Shena. No, I know Shena is, I have to say who she is. It was know. I know who Shena is, yeah. Shena and I were talking the other day. Mm-hmm. And she was telling me that, I was her person and she was talking to me about how as a child I was the one person, she feels safe talking to me because I was the one person in the world that didn't force her to be somebody that she wasn't She could be genuinely her, her express herself, and. Dressed like she wanted to, she went through the phase where she wanted to dress, she wanted wear a cap to the back and wear little jerseys. Yeah. She looked around thugging or whatever, you know, like, okay, what her right, this what going through? And then, she wanted the tattoos at a young age, piercings and different things like that. And I allowed her mm-hmm To be express herself that way. She was always recognized that she's not, like, uh. Like me, but I could say, parts of it is me. You didn't get to express yours. Okay. Yeah. So I, at times I feel like I am kind of living vicariously through her and she gets to do a lot of the things and express herself fully where I missed it and kind of got a little programmed in a different direction at a young age to where she feels free enough to express these parts of herself. And I'd be like, go baby. I don't know. I have to leave. She stands proudly in it and people turn around, the different looks. She does with herself and people turn around and look and they'd be intrigued. Like, wow. And she's standing there so strong. But she told me that was partly because of how I raised her. And that, that felt really good to me. Like even If I felt as though I had to be a fit within some societal norms that I was able to give my kids a space to be themselves, because I have one child that won't play like when she was a young child, she didn't play. She said, Sit there, like she was a little prim proper. Yes. Like what? She don't want to play. She may have a doll two but she wasn't doing no tomboy stuff. You better not, you better not mess up her clothes. Yeah, but she would not know. She was not running away. Yeah, she'll go outside and sit down. I'm outside. Allowing the children to be who they are. I think that's, that's important. It's very important. You kind of get where I'm going with that as far as allowing them to be who they want to be in life. Now, the other thing that I would say about myself and my flaws is that I know I have a, a tendency, I can be messy. I have, when I say messy, not in, I call it like, starting drama messy. I mean, like my nightstand, if you catch me, I'll have a water bottle, I'll have a collection of things on my nightstand at night that have been there throughout the evening. And I, but the good thing is, is that my husband, he's not, he's more OCD and he don't like me. He's more of an organized person. He's an organized person. He's, yeah. And I make baby mess. Yeah, he does. He does. But when he sees other people's messes, he's like, no, no. He's like, no, you can't do that. So he likes to go get things organized. Sometimes you got to come behind and you can't find nothing. But I have learned though, that he'll just stand there and look at my mess. Like this, this is ridiculous. This is not good, and you do feel judged, but at the same time, it helps me be better at cleaning up, And see, you see the difference where I have like, almost adopted like those expectations or things that I see myself do. I know I shouldn't be doing them. I know I should go clean up after myself. And then here comes somebody who will come behind me and say, Uh, look at that Voni. Look at your, look at your side of the bed, and then I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna get my stuff. You don't want to be talking about me. You know, that's, that's, that's kind of how, you know, it's trying to find a healthy balance. It's not even that. Some of it I look at it saying, I'm

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letting still others influence

niecee---voni_2_01-12-2025_180802: 20:29

what I'm doing, but at the same time when I'm doing it. I don't, I don't even really care. It's, I'm not getting up right now. I'm gonna put this right here. When I get ready, I'll go clear it off and I'll get it cleaned up. Now I ain't no nasty person. I don't want to set that expectation, but I've noticed though, that when I see him looking at it, It makes me respond. So I'm like, okay. So that's the part I'm talking about. And I think as a society and everybody has their own perspective and how they're going to live. Some people might say, Hey, I don't care what nobody say. I'm just gonna, but to live healthily in a society, I think there's a bit of give and take. So I think at some point it's, it kind of helps bring to light, like shines a light on maybe some things that we might need to work on. And it might not be related. We can let go of perfection and be accepting of ourself. You're like, damn, this is a part of me I need to work on. and it's okay that I'm imperfect in that way. But if it's something that's truly impactful, I think we do have to Kind of remain a little agile and be able to flex and bend and receive feedback. Because one of my flaws is, is that sometimes as, when dealing with relationships in particular, my relationships with my children, and they will tell me, Straight out, mom, I don't need you to be a mom right now. I just want you to listen and be my friend. And that's one of my flaws where I will always like jump into active mode. What are we going to do? Here's what I got. Okay. Well, we can look this up. We can go on this website and this is where we can go. We could call these people, no mama. Mama pause, stop. Stop. You know? Now I just needed a friend to hear me out on where I'm, I don't need you to fix it all the time. And so, and, and it's a little humbling. Mm-hmm You're like, well, I'm just trying to mm-hmm Help you fix this. Mm-hmm It's a little humbling. And, but I have to receive it. Yeah. And, and it, it helps me grow and develop and evolve. And then when I find myself doing it, I've been trying to pack practice the pause, or if I find myself jumping into that sometimes, I might be like, Oh, okay. I know I'm going there. I know y'all have told me something. I'll acknowledge that y'all told me all the time, I got my mama bear hat on. They probably just want me to listen. I'm a zip it and listen. Okay. Some things I've just had that experience today with my daughter, Jacque. where she was just calling to vent. Yes. But she was taking an action that I could not be mama. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. I could not be mom. I was like, okay, now I'll let you get that out, that out. Now I'm putting my mama head on. This is why I believe you have to take a bigger, take a bigger look at this. I'm gonna give you a different perspective. That's why I called you mama, because I needed you to tell me. Yes. And sometimes, you know, and sometime before I went too far, I was like, thank you. I'm glad you trust my judgment in that respect. But yeah. Mm-hmm That's, that's the balance. Yes, there is the balance. Sometimes you gotta let'em say it and do or whatever, but then when you hear'em, see'em going wrong sometimes that's the part of the mama. I'm like, that's my role. Mm-hmm. I, mm-hmm. I got, and then I find that sometimes, I feel like that's one of my flaws. Oh, over time. Okay. They might come back years later and tell me, mom, I heard you, you know, it was right. I hate it when you write. I'm like, I'm not right all the time. I'm a seriously flawed individual. But don't we all have that with our parents where they gave us guidance and we didn't receive it well. Cause you wasn't in the space where you were ready to hear it. But later you're like, man, she was so right. And I couldn't hear at that time. Yeah. So sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn't, but like you said, trying to find a healthy balance, but I do have to respect them as adults because you guys, your kids get grown. No, it's a different relationship, you know? So that's one of my big imperfections. Well, let me ask you this. I'm going to shift for a moment. I had a note here. Let's see. Um, okay. Can you tell me about a moment where you, being vulnerable strengthened your relationship with someone vulnerable and opening up and divulging maybe, I do it a lot. I do it a lot. I do it at work because to me as a, as a leader, manager, whatever title you want to give someone is very difficult for people because I mean, you can have a title, something And people have this perception, your name or title can influence people about you or have perceptions about what you are, even how you should carry yourself. Right. And, oftentimes as a leader, though, you know, you don't know everything and the people that you work with. Really have more insight about it, and that's where oftentimes, especially at work, I don't understand. I don't know what is the best thing to do here, and I need your help, and I just kind of put it out there, and I think it's dependent on the audience or how it's received. Most times I get great. response feedback, because I feel like you have to be vulnerable in a situation like that. at the workplace. another example I would give is even in my marriage been married, what it'll be 35 years this year. We have to have, I call it moments where sometimes we life'n and doing different things. And then, Sometimes, kind of to your point, you just made about things that have happened maybe a while ago that you have to have sometimes a moment where you can have that opportunity to say how something made you feel, how you received or saw a situation. It could have happened weeks ago or months ago, but it was just the right moment for you to be able to articulate it because you got the courage or you had, it. Something relatable that you could go speak to. So I find myself doing it in my marriage, that way. but I have to have the right timing on that. and it's, it's the same for work, but uh, Those are those are two things that stand out for me. Yes about how I try to look at I'm, okay being vulnerable or people now and I think it's come with age for me though I used to function in life. I had to carry a certain Persona or something. And, and it felt fake. I just have to say it just wasn't genuinely me. And once I let that go, I feel like I can be genuine. I can relate to people better. My team or people I work with are more responsive to me. My family is more responsive to me. I just kind of, and I feel like a lot of it came with my age. Yes. That, that my own maturity about what I didn't care as much about what people thought it was really more about what we hope to achieve. That is, that is a good point there because a lot of younger people, struggle with that and, and trying to live up to certain expectations or feeling like people think of them in a certain way, not recognizing because when I was younger, uh, with age, it does naturally change. It does change, you don't have those, you don't have those weights there. Right. You, you remove those barriers. So if anybody's out there listening, looking, watching anything, you know that. That you will not always feel that way. Take confidence within yourself and know that your feelings are valid and that you should be able to speak to it. Now, I will even say at my age, my big old age, I still experience a little apprehension sometimes when it comes to, I will speak to it, but I do experience a little apprehension sometimes when it comes to having to have, speak about my true feelings and I will hold it sometimes. And in every scenario I won't. Some scenarios you might not get a response out of me. I might just disappear on you. I'll just shut down. Yeah. So, it depends on how close I am to you as to if I will speak on it, but I do experience an internal, agnst If that's the right word, I know it. I recognize it because I've been the whole life. Right? Yeah, I see it. If you don't speak it, I can see it. But no, I've seen you do other people that way and you and I have talked about how I'm more vocal and I want to say something You don't do that always. You like, I ain't got to talk to you about this. This will happen. This is what you did. I can show you better than I can tell you. And I was like, and I'm here to tell you what you did. So, but that's, that's. That's you. It's me. It's a different personality. It's just a different approach. And so when I do have to, I mean, it, it's a conscious thing for me to come forward and speak to certain things. I will give it a lot of thought, just like most things I will give a lot of thought. And before I come forward and say anything like a vulnerable moment. before that I've, it's just a little small thing, but one of my good friends, Kem, she's always checking on me and always, like, friend, I know you don't, and I'd say, friend, I just have to say, I appreciate you keeping me accountable. And I'm not always the greatest friend. I'm not always like, yes, I get caught up in my own life and I don't stay connected, but please know that my heart. It's always there. I love you. I got a couple of friends like that. I have to talk to them about it because I know that's one of my flaws and I need to work on. Yeah, me too. Being connected and it's so important, and she received, she's like, girl, I don't be worried about it. We all grown. We all livin, you know, how Kem is so, I know. I appreciate that. But she, but that strengthens. Yeah. our bond in our relationship. Mm-hmm To where she understands me and receives Yeah. And accepts that bit of a flaw, because I can relate to that too.'cause. My friends. Now, when we get together, there's no, it doesn't stop. Right. We pick up just where we left off. But I don't feel like that to me is one of my flaws too. That I don't feel like I stay connected. As I should. And you have a desire to. I do. I do. I think about them and I don't act. I don't set up anything, but I love them. I think about them. I do. I'll be. Yeah, I had to have that discussion with Eboni yesterday, I had talked to her in a minute and I missed her call on Christmas as our stepsister, as our stepsister, I love her and I can be done said it a few times. And I'm like, what the heck? You know? So we had to talk about that. And we received it. well, but just those kind of things and being vulnerable. But when somebody receives it, well and understand you it means the world it does cause a deeper connection with that person. You feel heard. You feel heard. You feel accepted. Even though you know you're not perfect in this area. So you're like, well, and accepted that they understand that piece of me. Yes. Yes. That means a lot to me. That's beautiful. Yes. Beautiful. That's beautiful. So. Well, this has been really insightful and a good dialogue, but it's still a work in progress is what I take away from this whole conversation. Exactly. We are all still learning how to, navigate life, relationships, and how we choose to, respond and what formats we choose to respond to people. I get, from our conversation here that, it's no, I call it no right or wrong way to approach it, it just really isn't, it's what you've been trained, learned, and then what you choose to do based on those influences, right? Yes, it's about choices, and being purposeful about how you're going to show up and how you're going to be. Yeah. Accepting yourself for that. Now, one thing that I do, because I know I deal with flaws and imperfections. I mean, even when I had a lot of accidents, accident prone, I got scars all over my body, it's like. Man, I, you know, when I wear my little short sleeves and stuff, you'd be like, well, people be looking at my scars, can you tell I have scars on them? Now, one thing I do, I will tell you that I do sometimes, there's something where you're talking about, self acceptance. Sometimes I talk to myself in the mirror. You do? Yes. To motivate or to do what? Just to love on myself. Yes. That's beautiful. And I find that looking deeply in the mirror. You're like. I'm looking eye to eye with yourself like I'm looking eye to eye with you right now. It's really healing. It is. And you know that song, with Mary J. Blige did Good Morning Gorgeous? Yes. I love that song. You sing that to me? That is one of those songs that, I can look at myself in the mirror, even if I We have imperfections about any part of myself. Yes. That's the one song I can look at myself and just sing that to myself to motivate. Yes. And love on ourselves. Love on yourself. Love it on ourselves. You gotta love you before you can love anybody else. Yes. I agree. I've been learning that. Me too. Me too. It's more recent. It's always a work in progress because you have those moments where you're like, you ain't loving on yourself and you just pull yourself together to make a choice. Be purposeful in it. Uh, yeah. But you know, my mind is, uh, Oh yes. Uh, brand new, uh, uh, it's by Bill Withers, uh, Lovely Day. Lovely Day by Bill Withers. Yes. And it's, I think that's the, in the song, he may be singing to somebody else or he might be singing to himself, but I will sing to myself. I'd be like, when I look at you. And the world's all right with me. I love to sing that on a sunny day. You already know. Yes. So loving on yourself. Yes. That's a huge part of it. Anything about like your personal, do you have, do you care to share with anybody things like about your, some people say like, I have flaws with my person, like my nose, my ears, my. Anything like that, that you feel like is a flaw as we talk about flaws or different things. I just want us to be open and say, what would you say? Niecee like, why are you going there? Why? Y'all started blinking at me. Why'd you ask me? You're lying. You know. Well, my scars is one of my things that I really, have a thing with, you know, like I have, like I had an oven door closed on me one time when I was, uh, taking some garlic bread out the oven was really hot and I got really burned up. I should have gone to the hospital, but I didn't. That's one of a couple of mini scars. Um, then I would say, just, being fit, you know, I like, I want to be fit. I got some work to do, but my boobies, I feel like I need a, a mommy lift. So I'm single, but if I get together with somebody, I'm not feeling the most confident. If I broke out was like, I like your younger years. So, as far as physicality, with my, person, but I go back and forth with my hair. Okay. One minute I love my hair short and then the next minute I want some braids, but I wanna do something different. I want to be able to try something different. It's not like, I feel like that's an imperfection. It's just things like that I like to change, but overall now, right as a woman, we can go back and forth. Right. Now, when I was a child. Okay. I used to have big issues, like with my hair and my nose, like, and, and my eyes. People used to, I can't even, I don't even know, I can't say what they used to call it. They used to say I had, like, Chinese eyes. It was a, it was a saying that I don't think you can really say anymore. It's not politically correct. But they used to say that. Call me that. And then they used to call me miss piggy from the Muppets. Yeah. Because I have a pug nose. That was one of mine. I've grown to accept mine too. I have to, cause my nose was one of my physical, things, that I didn't like. And I think it grew from being teased about it. Yes. That came from, and then the other one was my skin complexion. My skin complexion, because I'm a darker skin, Person. and if anybody saw, if we show you guys a whole picture of our family, myself, my dad, maybe my brother, he's in the darker complexion, but mom, Niecee, Eva, they're all lighter complexion. And when me and Niecee were growing up, I used to get a lot of ridicule. And they used to say because she was lighter. We looked a lot alike. Y'all see, we do look a lot. We look a lot. People ask us for, are we twins? We're twins all the time. Yes, but, and then mama used to dress us like twins. We wore the same outfits, color clothes, maybe not the exact same outfit, but we had something similar in style that we would wear if she had on Burgundy. I had on some other burgundy, whatever the color was, yes, But people would tease me and say things like, she's the pretty one, or, and it was always about my skin tone. Skin complexion. Skin complexion. But. Over time. Now, you couldn't really say that to me. I don't really trip about it. And I've always, I've always loved dark skin. You always liked it, but it's that, balance. But, when I But that was a thing in our neighborhood. It was. They used to talk about darker people. Darker complexion people. It was like the lighter you were, the more beautiful you were. The more acceptable you were considered and mom used to work. She worked and worked, worked with me on how beautiful I was, my beautiful chocolate baby, whatever she had to do to go lift me up to make me feel better. It didn't always work, but she would just kind of keep saying it and saying and saying, and then eventually I believe, and I grew it. Yes. She went through the same thing. And I had to do the same with my, my kids. Too. I mean, we were all dark skinned, darker skin. Don't let nobody tell you'cause you dark and you are not beautiful. You are right. Gorgeous costume. My chocolate baby doll. It's not a a flaw. No. But it was something that I carried with a perception. An imperfection of an imperfection or flaw that I thought I had. But it's not that. But now you've embraced it. Now I've embraced. I love it. I love my skin. I wouldn't have no other way. Good morning gorgeous. Yes. And I feel as though I'm not really like, uh, um, I probably could be, it depends on beauty's in the eye of the beholder. I was going to say, I'm not like a runway model type, but maybe I could run down the runway. There might be women out there that are considered in society to be more beautiful than I am, but I'm not going to count myself out. I feel like I'm the bomb, I was saying, how am I single? Because I should be swooped up here. I got a lot to offer you. Amen. Amen. So I just wondered about personal, physical, flaws, they not really flaws. These are just who we are. And you're like, that's a perception in society where people tease or do different things. That was just why I wanted to ask that. But that was a good question. I had me over here blinking me, I was like, where are we going with this? How honest should I be? Put it out there. This is our purpose. You got to put it out there. I was honest. Yes. Yes. And so. Celebrate. That's the last thing I did want to talk about. Celebrating who we are and where we're at in the present and be confident and moving forward boldly because anything that happened in the past, it's already done, dotta, done, done. It's done, done. You might as well accept it. You could look back there and say, oh wow, that was kind of jacked up. Mm-hmm We might have choose to do a different forward. Yes. That's about all you could move forward in confidence and like, okay, I'm perfectly imperfect. Mm-hmm And, you know, show up as our best selves, as much as we can to enjoy our lives and find the happiness that we other. Whereas if you close yourself off. In that when you're feeling super uncomfortable and not confident about yourself and who you are, it shows in how you show up, how it shows in you're dimmin your light. You're dimmin your light show it. Yes. Cause it's your emotion, your attitude, your thought processes. It shows up externally. Yes. And your, and your energy exudes out of your body with the funk. Yes. And everybody feeling, and the lack of confidence that you're in and all those ways. Yes. It really will. Yes, it will.'cause when I'm in a, when I'm in a funk, yeah. Everybody feel it? Mm-hmm Yeah. One time you came to talk to me like you're impacting the whole house. Yeah, I know. What's wrong with you? I'm feeling you. What's going on? What's going on? You gotta talk to me. Talk to me. Let's get past this. We can't have this kind of energy up in the house and it's a real thing, that we have to be able to. And we have to be intentional, I always say too, about that, uh, not, not that you got to put on a false. Facade when you haven't a feeling because you need to be able to release and communicate it. But at the same time, get it out there, express it how you need to, because it's, not for everybody to hear and be a part of that clarity or whatever you're, you need to express. But what I don't like to see people do, or I don't like to do for myself is, Lay in it and waddle in it and just make it a part of you. Like I can't do it that way. That's the part I refuse to do. I cannot do it. I, know I probably have some opportunity to be more emotional about some of the things that I do and deal with in life. But at the same time, there's a part of me that says, But I like to carry forward. I get the experience I had there and it was not a good or positive one, but I just choose not to live there. I, yes. I choose not to. It's a conscious choice there. Yes. In that misery, in that sadness. Mm-hmm. In that anger even. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I don't wanna be there. Yes. Because I, that I have learned that when I used to have attitudes or hold grudges against people or things that had happened to me. I was the one miserable that statement is so true and what you do or feel or try to carry or put against somebody else in energy as you said it ends up really being a reflection on you because you're the one feeling all this stuff and it's that that you you carrying around all that sadness anger frustration because you live and then if you carry it too long it turns into your personality and I want everybody's experience with you. So I might not do a deal with it long enough, but I certainly don't want to give myself one day. Maybe a day and a half is the max. But then pick yourself up and start on the chart. I don't mind not being a hundred percent coming out. Yes. Total agreement with that. Yes. But Niecee we might have to wrap up here in a little bit. We don't need to wrap up. This has been great though. I enjoy talking to you. I learn new things every time I talk to you. You're forcing me to say and be me. Yes, let it out. Let it out. Yes. You want to do a recap for us? You're good at recaps. Recap. Oh man, the recap. Uh, well we talked about at start, where do our flaws and ideas about, perfectionism come from? Everybody needs to ask themselves that. Yeah. Where do we receive those ideas to begin with? What were the foundation of them? then we know that, we carry some of those, through our childhood experiences and things that we wanted to achieve or see around us that we kind of made something that we decided we were going to. Have or be or do or whatever, for me, clothes or, different things, attitudes. Um, also that as we interact with people professionally or, in relationships, how we make ourselves vulnerable or, display or communicate in a way not to display weakness, but to just show that you don't, you're not perfect is okay. And it's really healthy. and it really can be motivating to people around you to know that you're not perfect in certain settings. it just is, it's messed that up. I'll be the first one to say, especially at work. I do too. I'll be like, uh, y'all I did too. I told y'all this. Recap. I'm gonna have to backpedal on that. This is what it really is. And I messed up. I own it. It's mine. You know, that's they and they respect that. They do. People respect that. That accountability is so important. And then, and as I think about, thoughts about ourselves and our personal, physical flaws. Where did those come from? Usually people teasing you, doing different things to you. I used to hate my name, believe it or not. You couldn't tell me now that I didn't like my name, Vonzelle. You know, but you remember there was a time I wanted my name changed? Did I know at the time that my name was the same as my mama's middle name? No. Did you know I did not know that? When I was telling my mama, I know I hurt my mama's feelings. And now that I look at it, I'm like, oh no. I'm sitting there thinking, Voni, you told mama you didn't like your name. That was her name. That was her name. That was her name. Yeah. And I wanted that name changed. Now you couldn't. I'm like, what? No, that's my name. I love my name. Right. But it's just all those things that I just call myself. Verniece. Denise. But it comes from those experiences. Yes. And that's where we just have you learn with age. But at the same time you and I really appreciated your feedback around allowing people to express themselves. And them having the, opportunity and the opportunity to just be them without those judgments and things that you're the safe place. I really appreciate you sharing that about Shena that you have to provide those venues where people can just be themselves. And be feel safe and feel safe and feel heard or seen and not judged. Yeah. And not judged. I think we got a niece here. Your grand, I got a niece, your grandchild that's here with us right now. She's going through a tough time and come hang out with us. We feel so special when that happens, but now she ready to take a nap. She's tired. She's been tired, couldn't sleep. And now she's in her safe space. So she's rested. She's sleeping. Yes. And that,, create a good sleep. safe space for people to be themselves and to feel safe. Yes. It goes a long way. It does. It does. And so we as people, we're human. And that's, I feel like that's our role in life, to be that for people. I do that. I do. I feel like, yes. Yeah. It's part of my purpose. I know. Part of my purpose. Yes. I agree. I agree. Yeah, we're gonna do another we're gonna do a video on that. That is something we have to purpose out on purpose What is our purpose? What is our purpose? We're gonna that's gonna be our next video All right, we're gonna do that one next just go down go on out. That's those teaser Yeah, let's talk about let's talk about purpose in life. All right identify Understand standing in your purpose, what is your purpose? Align with the purpose? Do you believe you can seek it out? What does that mean? Alright, we'll do it. Yes, let's do it. Yes. All right. Niecee, close us out. Alright, well thank you all for, we get very professional here, Yes. Yes. I appreciate everybody listening in, watching how you're tuning into us today. The Sister Girl Sessions, we are working to create a community. So we encourage you to leave a comment, share with us some of your flaws, share with us some of your experiences. What are your stories? How do you deal with letting go of the perception of needing to be perfect? How are you standing in your imperfect life? You know, everybody has some opportunities for improvement. So share with us if this resonates with you. Share with the friends send this on out. Let's get the sister girl community going You can listen to us on all your streaming platforms, and we're also on youtube and if you all Would like and subscribe. I would love that. Yes. Somebody like spit it out. Niecee. I know Subscribe to our channel. Yes And until next time We ask that you go ahead and stand in your truth, be true to yourself, love on yourself, look yourself in the eyes in the mirror, smile, sing a song to yourself. Let's do it, girls. Let's do it, sisters. Let's do it. So until next time, you all stay blessed and be peaceful.