Navigating Life with Aging Parents: A Gen X Perspective

In this episode of 'The Sister Girl Sessions,' hosts Niecee and Voni discuss their experiences and lessons learned while caring for their aging mother. The conversation covers their family dynamics, pooling resources, moving in together, and recognizing signs of aging. 

They also touch on cultural differences in caregiving, their mother's independence, and how her health and emotions were affected by changes in her environment. The episode builds up to a pivotal moment when their mother's health takes a dramatic turn, leading to a cancer diagnosis. 

The sisters reflect on the emotional impact and the importance of being actively involved in their parent's healthcare.

00:00 Welcome to The Sister Girl Sessions

00:29 Caring for Aging Parents: Our Story Begins

01:22 Moving In Together: A Family Decision

02:58 Adjusting to New Living Arrangements

04:30 Pooling Resources for a Better Life

07:39 Mom's Health and Wellbeing

14:22 COVID-19 Impact on Family Dynamics

18:08 Reflections and Lessons Learned

19:18 Regrets and Reflections

20:41 The Diagnosis Journey

22:16 Family Support and Involvement

24:58 Facing the Reality

28:04 A Devastating Revelation

31:35 Processing the News

36:24 Conclusion and Next Steps

Transcript

niecee---voni_1_12-15-2024_151242: 0:00

All right Hello and welcome to The Sister Girl Sessions. My name is Niecee and I'm Voni and we have created this podcast so that we can come on and share our life experiences, lessons learned, and just to share some laughs, of course, and it's all developed around a hopefully a good Gen X vibe. You know what I mean? So today we have a topic of caring for aging and Sick parents, uh, in the gen X generation, we have a lot of baby boomers, uh, parents are living longer. And so we'd like to broach that topic because there are a lot of lessons that I've learned in the experience in that and things that we feel like we could share with, uh, others who may be facing those same challenges. So with that, I think I'll turn it over to Voni Why don't you kind of discuss. Our story just a little bit high level. Where do we start? Well, we, uh, as a family, uh, my mom, mama had her house. Yes. And so what I want to describe is how we came together and how we kind of got to that point. Mama lived in her house 20 years. What? How long was mama? And I was 20 plus 20 plus years. My husband and I, been in our house for 20 plus years. So we talked about other cultures, Uh, who bring people together, save money, build wealth or save by, uh, you know, bringing their resources together, reducing costs all the while we, I have to admit, Niecee you and I had conversations about mama aging, getting older. You had some concerns. Yeah. I figured you probably could use some help too. Yeah. I wanted to know. Myself. Yeah. Go ahead. Yes. So I'm going to kind of step in just a little bit and explain why I would have been there with my mother. Yeah. You gotta give a little back history. Yes. Because of course I was apartment dweller. Yes. Yes. And I raised my children and grandchildren and things like that. But once my daughter got to a certain age, uh, when she turned 18 and we weren't quite vibing right at that time, two women living in the household, she done became a woman. I'm a woman I'm like look So I was thinking about, uh, uh, separating and I started to, uh, explore, uh, uh, moving out on my own, exploring other options and mama offered me to come and roommate with her. Yeah. And so I was like, say less. Let me order a U Haul right quick. I'll be there directly. Yeah. Yeah. I had been. I had been with mom about what, maybe almost 10 years before we kind of came together. We kind of broached this subject of us getting together. So I'll turn that back over to you. But you like, you guys live together. So you went from her house. She ended up late, uh, giving the house to the family. It kind of became a home for other members of the family, but y'all moved to an apartment together. Yes. And I recall that that was when you had kind of shared with me. You were starting to see. Mom changes in mama as she was starting to age. And now she, our, our mother, she was a bright, vibrant woman, very independent. She was kind of an only child, but you know, there's a little bit more history to that that we can talk about later, but she was raised as an only child. So very much so she was used to being by her own drum. She did her own thing. Uh, we didn't, we could go influence it, but it's really not much we could do about mama, but we had had the conversation around, uh, bringing together families and how could we You know, we spent a lot of time together. My mom and I, oh man, it was an every weekend thing. Niecee you come in there with us sometime, but me and mama had been doing that for years. It was, it was just how she was like my best friend. She was my best friend. Yes. And so we were hanging out. What you doing this weekend? Okay. I got to go to what such and such store. Okay. Well, let's do that and do lunch. We did all of that. So we were spending a lot of time together. And so we decided, okay. We going to pull our resources. Well, I had made a career change at a certain time at this particular time where we were deciding to, to give it a go. That was a very, uh, Niecee you caught, what do you call it? You said we were shifting and we were in a shift. We were in a shift in our lives. So I had decided to leave a company that I had worked for for like 19 years. And then, uh, tried to go into business for myself, but again, that's another story. But we decided we're going to merge our households. So I sold my house. Mama had her house going to the family. And we pooled our resources, gave up our apartment. You gave up your apartment. Had kind of gotten tired of those. She, she, from the apartment dwell from a homeowner to the apartment dwelling, all was going well, except for we had, uh, A family move in above us that had kids and a little boy and the kids, Oh man, they ran and bumped and jumped. Oh man, it used to drive mama crazy. So the apartment dweller thing, it was nice where we didn't have to worry about maintenance. You know, homeownership, it comes with a lot. You got to do a lot, but you know, when we were dealing with that, mom was like, I'm so over it. So, you know, we were thinking about, uh, buying us a house and Oh yeah, we did. I forgot about that part. Yes, we were considering going to buy a house again. Y'all own. Y'all was just going to buy a house. At first. And then we kind of started talking about how the other cultures pool their resources together and are able to do more in life because they take that path. Yeah. And so it just kind of evolved into that. And I'm going to just say this about what I noticed about you and mama. It was like, The houses that y'all wanted, you, you want, we wanted more, we wanted a bigger, more house that was more modern, et cetera. So it was also an incentive for us to pool our research because I need to, my home, even though I had my own house, I had lived in it for so many years. I had done all the upgrades and different things. I want to level up. What's my favorite word? You know, I didn't want to live in the old dilapidated house. I wanted something nice. So that was kind of also kind of, kind of the incentive for us to pull our resources together. But the thing was, uh, once we got to this point, um, I was kind of going through my process. I was trying to, uh, and mama and Niecee supported me through it, uh, uh, kind of went out and, uh, doing the entrepreneurial. Attempt. Uh, it was a great experience. Wasn't for me. I did realize that. And again, that might be another topic for us to talk about. I think it could be. I've tried many. Yeah, but we can talk about that. But this is another one. So I want to create a community. Yes. All right. This is true, right? Okay. With this effort, but, uh, we, uh, found out we found a home. I'll kind of jump to the chase. We found our home. Uh, we had to certain conditions because mom was aging and we had to have her on a level where her master bedroom was level with the kitchen. You know, washer, dryer, all of those things. Cause she had arthritis pretty bad in her hips and different things. And so we had to make sure she could function well. So the day I started on my new job, I had to go to orientation to another state. We moved into the house that same, uh, the, the weekend before I started my new job, it was very impactful. Well, you go ahead and, uh, T your husband, that's her husband's name. T if you'll hear us reference him. Yeah. You and T moved in. First. First, yeah. Yes. And we were, we hadn't moved in. It was in phases. Yes. Yet, so we weren't moving in all at the same time. We were probably a month or so in there, a month or two in the house by that would say like two to three weeks, like we were Oh, weeks. Okay. Yeah. It wasn't, it long. It long. We were coming over there. Yeah. But we weren't all, all together again. Yes. Yeah. But once we all come together, uh, it was different kind of living again with my mom. Right, so I'm in my 50s. Uh, this was only what seven eight years ago This is we've been together six years so far No to 2018 2018. Oh, okay. Yeah since 2018. So I and even then I was in my fifties, right? Oh, it's about seven. I had just turned 50. Yes. You had just turned 50. You are so right. I had just turned 50. So it was different for me because like what I hadn't lived with my mom since I was 18, 19. Yeah. So it's different. So, uh, having that experience, uh, of living with mom and my sister, and my husband with her, with my mom and my sister. So that was a whole thing. Everybody trying to get used to each other, what each other's quirks are, et cetera. But through that process, uh, I did get to see. Mom's the differences in mom because younger from her younger years, but also my, what I consider somewhat limited interactions with her. So mine were phases, right? I'd be shopping, shopping, go hang out. And I had started to notice that when we would go shopping sometimes, or we would go out. Sometimes she couldn't go too long because her leg was bothering her or her hip was starting to, she'd get winded or something. So she said, I'm going to stay in the car this time or, you know, for certain stores. So that was part of me understanding, you know, some of the feedback you had shared with me about her. Cause you were dealing with, living with her day to day. Yes. But the good things that I loved about being back with mom was that she was, uh, and I'm, I'm a nurturer. She's a nurturer. She loved doing things. She would listen for different things that people liked or didn't like. And she always paid attention to those things. So you always kind of had your favorite something, uh, that you would want to have. So she made sure she did it. And she was our household manager when we were in that period. Right. Yes, she was our manager. So she did the bills. She, she kept up with groceries or organization of the house and food and if the, uh, repairmen, different people had to come in. She was the point person. She made sure all that got done because we were all working now. Yeah. You working, I'm working. Right. And then I will still say that, uh, while she was, While she was the house manager and things like that, like, even though she had started to shift or you saw some of the changes I had been sharing with you, she was very self sufficient. I mean, she lived her own life. I mean, living her best life. She go out and do her own thing. She still had her girlfriend. Girlfriend. Now she was single. Aerobics and stuff. Yeah, she was single. Uh, she had been for, uh, she never really had a totally serious relationship after, uh, her and my father divorced. Yes. She didn't, um, she had different relationships, but she didn't have any longer term, uh, committed relationships. And, but she found her own life after divorce and I admired in it. And I thought, wow. Okay. Yeah. That gives some people you see don't bounce back. Right. But she had a really good network of people around her. She, you know, developed friends from her work environment. Et cetera. And even with, she made family a big focus and keeping us all connected. Right. So, but she will go out.

12:24

She did aerobics. Yeah. Oh,

niecee---voni_1_12-15-2024_151242: 12:26

and those socializing neighborhood stuff. Oh my gosh, if you think about her neighborhood stuff, when she was even in the house. Yeah. And, and so much so that when she moved, we moved together, she was missing that. And so she had to come to the new neighborhood and go get in that one. Yes. So she could not, she could not not be active in her, in her mind, thought process, because she didn't like to be bored at all. And when you say that, I think about, you know, different factors that impact somebody's. Uh, well being and sense of purpose, us moving from her home that she had before her and I moved to the apartment when she had her, you know, 20 plus year home. When we moved her out of that neighborhood, that caused a big shift in her, in her, uh, sense of wellbeing and purpose and things like that. Because like, uh, by mention is that when we were. we were in the apartment and I used to talk to you about different things that I noticed about it was, she had to find her, her new way of being. And sometimes that would cause her to, uh, go into states of depression and that I would notice, but she denied and keep pushing on. We were together. Yes. When she didn't know what was going on or it wasn't active enough. Yes. Yes. And so I think she longed for her old life is sometimes I, even though she's no longer with us, I don't want to put no words in her mouth, but it's like, I think somewhere, sometimes she had some regrets about leaving. Oh. Yes. Yes. Yes. where she had built, but yeah, she definitely went through, uh, an emotional state because of that. And I, deep in my heart, I feel like some of those things impacted her health and well being. I do agree. So think back on when COVID hit. Right. So we moved together in 2018. So y'all think about COVID hit 2020. Right. Yes. So we, a couple of years in, thank God we all made it through COVID together because we were spending a lot of time together day, night, you know, nobody being able to go out during those periods. But during that period, she was, uh, volunteering at a food pantry. Yes. Remember? Yes. She got to go do so she's going to her aerobic she Uh, you know, it was if maybe it was multiple times a week then she had to cut it back to once a week Uh, but that again was part of her little extended family and friends Uh, that was a part of her life and we hear stories about the people and we got to know everybody Uh through what she would come home. That was her work She come home tell us about her work and what she was doing But that's where I felt in covid when we were there with covid it was also impactful Because one of the things that uh, I could share She uh was a smoker for many years Um So with that, at least on an annual basis, probably the last 10 years of her life, at least once a year, we would have an exacerbation of something. With her breathing related. Mm-hmm. That would cause us to have to go to the er. Yes. And go. And then she hated it.'cause she didn't ever wanna go. Uh, she got, they kept her inpatient. They always kept her, even if it was for a day Yes or two, she run more tests. She did not like it to run more tests on her. One of the times, uh, that she was in there, they did find like a little thing on one of her lungs. A nodule. Yeah. A nodule there. And, but. So we always knew monitoring. She was all avid about going to the doctor, always all of the different specialists that she had, et cetera. So she really tried to take care of herself very well. So she was, and she would push us, did you go to the doctor? You go to the doctor, all that. And I will preface that, would say, like when, uh, to speak to that she was the type of person that. Went to the doctor diligent, went to the dentist, went to the eye doctor, went to all of her appointments and did what she could as, as closely as she could to, uh, implement the changes or suggestions the doctor gave her. If they prescribed her something, she would take it. She did everything that was asked of her. She tried, not everything. She, she liked her sweets. She liked her sweets. So, you know, so that's your mama. That was her weakness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she, and I, y'all, I don't know about that. I know too. Is it hereditary? It is hereditary. I don't know, but if, you know. Habit. It is. It is. It's a learned habit. But I do recognize that when we were in COVID, she, I saw it. I saw that dip in her depression. She was anxious. It was like, I want to do something. I can't stay. And she would tell me, I can't stay up in here like this. I want to get out and do something. So it was very, very important. And she used to get like that during the winter too. Yeah. Yeah. She'd get the winter blues. But she couldn't, she didn't drive. She did not. If it snowed, she didn't, she didn't drive. Okay. And she didn't really want us to driving She didn't want you to go anywhere. She was like, where you going? She called you up and was like, where you going? You going to work today, Voni Yes, mama, I'm going to work. You sure? You shouldn't be out there. You know, we'd have this whole dialogue, because she worried about us as children, but she still understood we, she and wanted to, that sense of independence. What were you about to say? I was gonna, I was just wondering. So, Based on what we've just discussed, what would you say? Not like, of course we can't give anybody any advice or anything, but what would you say are some of the key things that you would monitor if you were living with the aging parent? Or even if you weren't living with them, that you were caring for them and, and, um, it's like, uh, tuning in to their wellbeing if they were getting older. I, I, uh, as I reflect on that, I wish I had. Asked mama to go to the doctor with her more. I did not go. We did not engage to that level of detail. I did sometimes she didn't like to let me in the room sometimes because I tell on her. I was like, well, this happened doctor. Last week, you know, she almost fell or she couldn't get her balance. Whatever it was, right. Yes. That, that was mine. I would want to, I would have wanted to be more interactive. And, and I think because of our relationship and friendship, I, you know, uh, I feel like I could have gotten her to do it, but I never asked. So that was a regret I have. I have a regret that I didn't get involved in it more often because as she, uh, as, as she aged and then maybe in the last couple of years of her life, right. Yeah. And especially when she got diagnosed, Um, then I was very active or I was, you know, I'd write down the questions and she, yeah, I am jumping ahead, but she would allow me. So I felt like if I would have asked, she might've offered. And this is interesting. I was today years old when I found that out that that was one of your regrets and we really close. I heard you say that before. Yeah. Is that, I wish I had asked her. Yeah. Cause you know, you got to ask mama. It ain't like you just go. And that's one thing. Don't just assume anything. You never know to me what anybody is going through internally. Yeah. And I, cause what I learned from it though too, is some of the things, and I will talk about that as we get closer because Niecee you remind me, thank you for not jumping the gun too much. There were things not done. That has somebody asked could have been done. Yes. All right. Yeah. So, so with that, um, what, what are we talking about here? So we are, um, let's move ahead because what we're speaking of is that. You know, like we said, mom, she, she went to the doctor religiously and this particular timeframe, she went to her mammogram and we jumping ahead. We jumping on here. We did 20, 21, 20, 20. 2022, 2022, 2022, 2022. So we done been two years post COVID. We done hold COVID. Yes, we done done all that. Yes, and so she had went to her mammogram and she came back home. And said that they think they saw something on her mammogram. Very small. We're not going to worry. Yeah. I gotta go back. She had to go back for another test. Oh, that's right. Deeper, like a, a ultrasound and you know, scans and stuff. Okay. And then, um, they, they were a little bit, uh, curious about it. So they wanted her to have the biopsy. Yes. As you said, so there she had the biopsy. And it ended up coming back that they found cancer. And so when they found the cancer, It was just a small, no, they weren't too worried about, well, this is what they told us she went. So of course she went to an oncologist. They referred her. They referred her to an oncologist. And, uh, what's the people called that do the radiation type thing? Uh, they are, uh, they radiologists, radiologists. They are the radiologists. She was primarily seeing them, that was her form of treatment. Yes. And so the oncologist, when we found out and I'll never forget, I had to work and you went to the appointment with her when we went for the consultation on the plan of treatment. How were we doing about this? Okay. You know, the whole family's like, Oh Lord, you know, and so Niecee and I, yeah, let's, let's dig in a little bit. Yeah. You go ahead together. Yes. Right. So we were close to mom knowing what was actually happening in real time. Now we have other siblings and her grandchildren who are very close and wanting to know and stay up to date too on it. So, uh, it was, we have us, I call it, we have a certain part of our tribe, uh, that Usually are don't avoid health, health related things. We have some that they figure either, I don't know what the answer is. Either they figure we got it or they, they are not comfortable doing that. I don't know exactly what it is. We don't know. We don't get in it, but. When what I've observed, whenever any of us have different health things related, there's certain ones that show up, and you know, and that's usually you, me, my daughter, and those are, that's, and mama, and mama was one, it's about, it's four of them, it's four or five of them, they usually come, no matter who it was, right, but that was who went to that doctor's appointment, so I was there with her, Were you and Jackie on the phone? Yes. Okay. So we were all dialed in on the phone. So I had my cell phone there. They there come with a whole list of questions. Yes. They're speaking to her and they like, well, it was just a small breast cancer. They should be able to take care of radiation. But like I was saying that during that call, I remember asking the doctor, well, don't you think we should do a bigger scan, more tests so we can know. That this is it. Yeah. Uh, is this all we have to deal with before we get started on treatment? And she was like, oh, yeah. Oh yeah. This is just a little small nodule. Mm-hmm. Uh, this a small nodule. What did say to call it one C? What did, what was it, what did she tell us? Was it a one? I'll tell you something. I, I'm not good. Remember, remembering the terminologies, but I know it was supposed to be small and that all they needed, she could radiations and that should take care of it. She shouldn't even have to do any chemo at all. And so we're like, Oh, okay. All right. In the process. So mama went through another shift. So as you could tell, our, our, our, Thoughts about in our experience related to caring for an aging and sick parent is our mom. So mama, she went, uh, she had another shift then and she kind of became quiet. Yes. And she was dealing with, I think her own mortality and getting a diagnosis. I don't know anybody who wouldn't get something like that. No matter how small. Even if she thought it was curable, she still dealt with the diagnosis. Yeah. One of our friends that she worked with at the volunteer had, uh, had. Dealt with some cancer and she had made it through it. And my mama was close to her through the whole journey. Yeah. Uh, our step mom had went through a long journey with cancer. With breast cancer and everything. So we, we had recently just been dealing with that and my, our step mom had passed away from it not too long before that. And that was like in, uh, 2019. Mm-hmm Right before, before Covid. Right before that, that happened. Mm-hmm And I was heavily involved in her care. Mm-hmm You know, mama heard a lot about it. Mm-hmm. You know, and because she helped support me and my emotional state in dealing with that. And so she dealt with a lot during that. But when you would talk to her, try to engage her about it, she wouldn't really go into it. She wouldn't, to and I, I'd be like, man, so you back up. You wanna give people, they space. Yeah. Respect. But I do. So always just kind of, you know, it got to where I just be sitting there just to be there as a emotional support because she didn't want to talk about it. That's one thing. I'm going to tell you this though. So, okay. She's like, I'm going to keep living. Right. She was. And I love that. And that was the part. But when she got the diagnosis and once the biopsy came back, yes. Me and my husband were in, we were out of the country. Oh yeah. They were on a trip. We were on a trip. Honey, I was ready to come home. I had looked up the flights and everything. And so I got the news over the phone and I was like, uh, hearing about it, it kind of gave you a joke to, you know, to hear that about your mom. Uh, and so, uh, she was like, do not like, you better not come back. You do not, not, she would've been so upset with you. Would been so upset with me, but I didn't do it because, you know, probably mama said you have much fun. No more. I, no, but it, it put me too in a mental state. Yes. You know, because it's fear. Yes, it is. Fear the unknown. Unknown. Yes. That you don't know. Okay. Ooh, okay. So. Mama got a good attitude about it. I'm going to have one too, because I believe that, you know, what you try to focus on and not think, doom, bloom, it'll, it'll, energy is put out, you got to create it and, and keep that positive. So she had it, I'm going to have it too. Yeah. That was my attitude. Yes. And so things were going really well. And she went to her appointments for our oncologist She went to the radiation, but as we were going through this whole experience, She started with, it starts, she started having pains, pains. It's like, uh, couldn't really get up her legs and her back were hurting. Now I will say that she's, she had always been having these pains in her legs for years. Her hip, she's always, but you know, this back pain was really, really, really huge. And so she was not a small woman. Yeah, it's the other part. She was a plus size woman. So some of it could have been weight related. That's what I had attributed a lot of it to her size, even her arthritis pains, and she did too. Yeah. Uh, but it was just like, I thought that some of the back was related to that, but go ahead. I agree. I agree. Yeah. We, we were kind of, I mean, we were just like, man, that's. Mama, what you done done? Did you twist his back? Did you? Yeah, you've been in here trying to pick stuff up. You've been trying to do something. we don't know nothing about mama You feisty. She tried to do stuff and then stuff around the house stuff. You're like, what are you doing? Yeah. You know? Yeah. And so, you know, it's a joyful experience. It was funny. It was like, yeah. Oh man, I wasn't training for the world, but you know, you go through stuff with your parents. You're like, Mom. Fussing. And she's like, who's the parents? Exactly. You know, so. You don't tell me what to do. Right. And so I digress. But she was having these back pains. And so we were like, man, it got so bad. She wasn't really getting up. You know, she was like, wasn't moving about through her days. Like we, we normally saw her. So it was like, okay, mom, we about to have to take you to the doctor. And by this time, because after COVID, you know, during COVID, uh, both Voni and I were blessed to be able to come home to work. We weren't in the workforce that actually, uh, came out of work. We were able to continue working through it all. And from that point on, we had been, um, work from home people. And so we were working from home and we both were like, okay, we gonna have to go take mama to the hospital, you know, to go see what, cause she was real bad this particular day. She was hurting real bad. It was, it was her back and side, if I remember right. And anytime she would take a deep breath or something, it was, and I thought it was still respiratory, just a normal, uh, that time of year, but it was summer though, so it's not normal for her. And then, oh, remember too, they had given her antibiotics and steroids thinking she was having a respiratory problem. Yes, yes, just before that. They thought she was doing all that. And it didn't work and we couldn't get it working. So then they changed it. They did a different antibody. So then it's just, wasn't getting better. Okay. Yeah. And so we took her, we both took off work and we were like, we're going to the ER. We went to the ER. We go with mama. It was morning. We decided that we're going to get it over. I took my laptop. Yeah, I took my laptop. I'm sitting there. We both had a lap. We both had a workbook. We both had these formalities. Yeah. Yeah. I go in there, get mama healed up, let's get home. So. They took mom and they went to do the x ray and they, uh, they came back and we were just kind of sitting there like waiting, you know, mom was just like, what y'all working on? And we're like, well, we're working along. So the doctor comes in and says, the, uh, the test results are back and I don't know if I can even tell it because it's almost like a blur to me can, because I was like, I can, it was an out of body experience about it. I don't even know. I can, I remember it like it was just day and I could visually see, let me say this, is that I, I formed some kind of disconnect, even still to this day now, and I'm just now thinking about it from the whole experience. It was that traumatic. It was traumatic for you. I know it was, I know. Speak on it. Speak on it.'cause it was. This is the thing about us as sisters. Niec. Uh, Niecce. I am. I, I'll put it this way. I am calmer in a, in a, when something's going on urgently, Niecee can get a little, what, what's going on? She kind of, she gets a little bit more emotional. I can usually kind of stay level and say, what would you say? I can function. You can function, but you have to have your moment for the action. Yes. I noticed that about you. I can shut it down. You don't shut it down. I suppress it. You don't, you be like, Oh, and I got to do this. Well, to go back to what he did, he came in, if you've ever been in a hospital where they had him sliding doors, he came in, I'm giving you a visual, best I can, he reached in, came in through the door, never really came all the way in, if you visualize what you probably saw, he never really came in through the door, he wasn't all the way in the room, he wasn't, he didn't come in and step in, he was kind of sitting in that cross thing between the door, between his legs almost, Yes! And he's looking, he's coming in and he's looking up. Mom got the tv on. We got the tv on up there. And he said the test came back and it looked, the cancer has spread to your lungs, your uh, your liver and some of your bones. Something to that effect. He said it all. He said all them organs. Your neck, your neck, your thyroid, your chest, your soft tissue, your femur, your hip, I mean, uh, and then Niecee says, Excuse me, what did you just say? And he rattled it off again. All those words. It not, not compassionately, nothing so broad. Matter of fact, I don't just matter of fact what I expected. I And me. And me, and this is the part I, you know, work with other healthcare professionals too. I think it's difficult for them. I think so too. I think it's difficult for, I know it's probably really hard for him. Yeah. To even have to come give a family to change our life because it was so relaxed. We had no, we like girl, girl, girl. I know. Don't cry, don't cry. We good? We good? Yeah. See? suppression emotion. Real talk. Real talk. Real talk. But, we, uh, we do this, Verniece Niecee reacts, me and Momma's kind of stunned, so am I. I'm just sitting here, and I know, I can feel it, like, I'm here in the moment. I'm just sitting there with my laptop, and I was like. What the, you know, and I, I, when I get emotional or in those moments, I drop a curse word. I do. I get a little mad. I was like, did he just say, and then, but I immediately I shift to mama and I'm looking at her. And that's where, to your point earlier about her emotion and where she goes quiet and you can see, you see it, you see that there's something going on that she's saying to herself. Now, now I'm about to get emotional. But you could see that this saying you Yeah, I know. I'm saying you something that you could see in her eyes. Yes. You got up left. I couldn't even shake that. I, I knew and just from growing up with moms, you know, when those kind of moments she'd be like, hold it together. You know? So I knew, I guess a part of me knew I couldn't fall the pieces. Yeah. You, you had keep it together. I had keep together. Gotta keep a, whatever you say, keep, keep it cute don't be getting right. I was falling apart, so I had to go to the bathroom. If. All apart real quick and then pull myself together. Come back. Like, okay, hold my chest out. Okay, mama. Okay. Yeah, but it was, it was a sad moment. It was very sad. It was devastating. And then, uh, from there we had to tell our siblings and other family members. And so me and Niecee we left mama for a little while to go do that. And then I, you know, we talked to all of our siblings and everybody, uh, about it and just to kind of let them know that it had come back. But she had said when she, you know, we knew we had to go back and go talk to the oncologist and all of that. Now that meeting. Was where Voni got a little irritated, but I digress.

36:24

We are going to pause here. So, tune in next week for part two of caring for aging parents.

niecee---voni_1_12-15-2024_151242: 36:30

Keep coming back. We appreciate you spending time with The Sister Girl Sessions today and we're going to go ahead and close and you all have a great rest of your time and we'll see you on the next session. Peace. Peace.